


Ragnarocc

by TheMSKProject



Series: The Marvel MSK Project [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Action, Cate (Marvel MSK) has fire powers, Cate is a bit power thirsty, Comedy, Developing Relationship, Doctor Strange has too much fun, Don't copy to another site, Everyone Needs A Hug, Except Grandy M and Topaz, Fight Scenes, Fights, Fire Powers, Friendship, Gambling, He looks like Jeff Goldblum, Is that willy wonka?, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Madephen Grange, Male-Female Friendship, Odin becomes Snortable in a hot second, Odin is here... great, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other, POV First Person, Poker, Sakaar (Marvel), Soki Laufack, Thate Sweedinson, There be a onesided relationship a bloomin, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, We love him though, You are now meeting The GrandMaster, borderline crack most of the time, its about to get lit, rut roh, shinanegans, slot machines, starts really cannon compliant and then follows a whole different perspective., tournament
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-01-30 10:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21426397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMSKProject/pseuds/TheMSKProject
Summary: Follow Cate as we finally return to the trio's extrovert. Enjoy her journey guided by the two Sorcerers followingA Strange Turn of Events!Cate has been allowing Loki to hide as Odin, so long as she gets perks for her silence. When Thor comes back and ruins her fun, a trip to pick up the old Asgardian windbag starts a domino effect with Hela set loose and the gang dropped into the dimensional trashcan. Loki seems well off, but an offer to assist is turned down by honour bound Thor. Cate however.. is easier to persuade.Chapters will be uploaded on Sundays between 2-4 PM EST and Wednesdays between 7-9PM ESTAdditional content, like teasers and concept art, are posted toour Tumblr
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Sarah Ridgeback (Marvel MSK), One Sided Thor (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Stephen Strange/Madeline Grimmwell (Marvel MSK), Stephen Strange/Original Female Character(s), Thor (Marvel) & Catherine Sweadner (Marvel MSK), Thor (Marvel) & Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Marvel MSK Project [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1392154
Kudos: 16





	1. What's My Line

“Loki, no!” I gasped dramatically, standing over a man who was definitely not Loki, “You can't die on me! What about all those fun brotherly bonding moments we had?” 

“I'm sorry, brother,” said Not Loki while the chorus behind us continued to sing eerily and off key. “Sorry about that one time I stabbed you. ...And the other time where I also stabbed you. Just, consider this an apology for all my misdeeds.”

Oh fuck what's my line? I cleared my throat, putting on my shitty _ manly _ Thor voice, “I'll tell our bitch ass father what you did here today.”

The crowd gasped a bit at that, but Not Odin who was sitting on the couch just shook his head and ate another grape. Not Loki exclaimed dramatically, “I didn't do it for him.” He then flopped against the stage, pretending to be dead.

I shot a glance at the audience, my next line catching in my throat as I spotted Thor. What the fuck was he doing back on Asgard?? We made eye contact for a moment, but it didn't matter. The show must go on. I looked to the sky and screamed, “NOOOOOOOOO!” being sure to mock him as much as possible. The chorus picked up and the other actors continued with the show. Thor decided to wait respectfully for the play to end, as any decent person would. There are certain things you don't interrupt, and my kick ass performance is one of them. 

I stood and took a dramatic bow while staring directly at him. Once the delightful applause of the audience ceased, he ran up onto the stage and grabbed my arm, pulling me off in Not Odin’s direction. “Like my performance?” I grinned.

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded, “Since when did you decide to stay here?”

“Since you abandoned me in pursuit of bigger, better things off in the nine realms,” I sighed, putting on my pity voice, “Guess my friendship wasn’t enough for you. And of course, after Loki’s tragic death, I’ve run completely out of people to care about me!” This, of course, was a lie. I had great friends on Midgard who definitely cared about me, but I just couldn’t resist laying on the guilt as much as possible.

“Don’t do this now, please,” Thor pushed me aside and marched over toward Not Odin, “So. What’s with the play?”

“It’s the Tragedy of Loki of Asgard,” he explained casually, eating another grape. I nodded solemnly in the background. “The people wanted to commemorate him.”

“Is that what the statue is for too?” Thor squinted at the glistening statue of Loki that was T-posing above the crowd. “A little better looking than when he was alive, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh for sure,” I laughed, “Sure was nice of your father to get that made. It was also nice of him to let me play you in the show, Thor.”

“You did decent,” he admitted reluctantly, before lifting a spooky looking demon skull and holding it up in front of Not Odin. “But do you know what this is?”

“The skull of Surtur,” he nodded, “A formidable weapon.”

“Lock this in the vault,” Thor instructed a nearby guard, “See, I’ve been having this recurring dream lately, something about the fall of Asgard?”

“Ragnarok?” I asked, having brushed up on my lore during my time here.

He nodded in confirmation before continuing, “And then what do I find but the nine realms descended into chaos, and here you are, sitting on a couch, in a bathrobe, eating grapes.”

“Well, I’ve been very busy with meetings-” Not Odin started to defend himself.

Thor sighed and gave his hammer a flip, “You’re really going to make me do it?” Oh shit, things were not boding well for His Royal Imposter right now. 

“Do what?” I questioned innocently.

Thor turned and yote Mjolnir out into the distance, grabbing Not Odin and shoving him into the line of fire, “You know nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand, not even your face.”

“Thor, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” I shouted, tugging on his arm, “Have you damn near lost your mind??”

The hammer flew even closer, and it was seeming as though Not Odin wasn’t going to give up his charade, until at the last second he yelled, “Alright, I yield!” Thor let go of him, and he stumbled forward, revealing himself in a flash of light.

“Loki, you’re alive?!” I gasped, trying to pretend like I hadn’t known all along. The other Asgardians looked around in confusion, waiting for Thor to do something. He seemed proud of himself, having been right about his suspicions, and began chasing Loki around the stage.

“Where’s father?” he insisted, “Did you kill him?” 

“I’m not telling you-” Loki started to say. Thor, however, had him completely cornered, knocking him onto the couch and pressing the hammer against his ribcage.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he hissed, slowly raising his hands in surrender, “I know exactly where he is. He’s on Earth, just... Get off!”

Thor obliged, letting his brother stand up and dust himself off. “Take me there.”

“Oh, going to Earth, are we?” I interrupted, joining the conversation, “I know a thing or two about Earth. Actually, I know many things, since I was born there.”

“You!” Thor turned on me, “Did you know about any of this?”

“Yes, she did,” Loki answered, not even giving me a chance to lie, “And you have no idea what I had to agree to in order to make her keep it a secret.”

“Nothing bad,” I assured Thor, “But you may notice a statue of me somewhere in the city.”

“Of course,” he groaned, “Doesn’t matter, you’re coming with me and Loki so we can get my father back, and then-”

“Is it really a good idea for Odin to know about her?” Loki muttered, “He still doesn’t know what I did.”

“He’ll get over it,” I scoffed, flicking my hand.

“No,” he shook his head, “He really won’t. In fact, I don’t think he’ll take very kindly to me exhausting the Eternal Flame on some human.”

“But I’m not some human, I’m your _ friend _,” I reminded him with a smile, “And you can’t deny it because you admitted it!”

“He doesn’t have to know about her ‘ascension to godhood’ or whatever she called it, the point is, she knows her way around, so let’s stop wasting time,” Thor declared, pointing his hammer in the direction of the Bifrost. Loki and I exchanged a defeated glance before following him down discount rainbow road. On our way, we changed into some more Earth-friendly clothes. One of the perks of having god magic was being able to change your clothes at will, and I was absolutely loving it. Loki looked positively emo in his all black suit, while Thor opted for something a bit more casual that somehow suited him.

We landed in New York, much to the shock of several onlookers. So much for subtlety. “Okay,” Loki turned in a circle a few times, trying to recall where Odin was, “Where am I?”

“Look at the street signs,” I suggested, “Do you remember what address you dropped his ass on?”

He thought for a moment, before replying with a hesitant, “Maybe?”

I groaned, attempting to lead them through the city, turning whenever Loki said he recognized something familiar. Eventually, we reached a building that was currently being demolished, a building that I believe used to be retirement home. “Good job,” I glared up at Loki, “Either we’re in the wrong place or we have a whole new set of problems to deal with.”

“No, I swear I left him right here,” he crossed his arms, examining the wreckage as if somehow, Odin was going to miraculously appear before us.

“You mean where the building’s being demolished?” Thor turned to his brother, likely just as annoyed as I was.

Loki didn’t get a chance to answer however, when a gaggle of older teens came running up to Thor, phones at the ready. “Hi,” one of them waved, “Can we get a picture?”

I stepped well out of the way so the girls could get their selfies with Thor, not at all interested in what was occurring, until one of them said, “Oh, sorry Jane dumped you.” The group then scuttled back off to the fire from whence they came, leaving me to raise an eyebrow at my apparently recently single friend.

“Sorry to hear that,” I patted him on the shoulder, “But honestly? You could have done better.”

“First of all, rude. Second of all, it was a mutual thing, alright?” he insisted.

“Whatever you say-” I was distracted by sparks flying from the ground, and a panicked Loki being surrounded by a ring of orange sparkles. I knew that shape well.

“Stop doing that,” Thor demanded, staring at the ground.

As if it wasn’t obvious from his confused stance, Loki countered, “This isn’t me.”

I knew exactly who it was. “Loki!” I reached out to grab him, but my hand met nothing but empty air, pitching me forward as our companion vanished. A single card was in his place, marked with an address in a fancy ass font.

Thor bent down to pick it up, reading it off, “177A Bleecker Street...”

“Oh shit,” I cursed, snatching the card from him, “I know EXACTLY where that is. Follow me.”


	2. Thor Odinson... And Guest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Cate leading the way to this... Bleeker Street, wherever THAT is~~~~, Ain't I subtle? :), Thor and his newly goddess companion fall in with a very Odd crowd.  
Strange one might say.

I held the door open for him, beckoning him into the building. It was dimly lit and radiated an aura of mystery, and of course, all the valuable artifacts it contained. No sooner had we stepped inside when the room shifted entirely, depositing both of us in front of an interestingly shaped window. Floating dramatically in the light was a cloaked figure that I'd only met in person a couple of times, but I knew a lot about him through one of my best friends. 

“Thor Odinson...” the man muttered, turning to face us, “And guest.”

I couldn't help but scowl at my dismissive introduction. It really wasn't that big of a deal, but when you hang out with the god of thunder, you tend to get overlooked. I bit back the urge to tell him that I was god now too, given that I hadn't been to earth in a while. 

“I hear you've had a makeover,” he said to me, beating me to the subject.

“Maybe so,” I smiled, “How've you been, Stephen?”

“Stephen?” Thor looked between us, trying to figure out how we knew each other.

“Lose the umbrella and have a seat,” Stephen insisted. The room shifted again, landing Thor in a comfortable looking chair. There was not, however, a second chair for me, and I fell right on my ass. I heard familiar laughter behind me, my aforementioned friend emerging from the shadows.

“Tea?” Stephen asked, gesturing to a cup that had miraculously landed in Thor’s hand. 

“I don't drink tea,” he shook his head.

“Get him some beer,” the blonde newcomer suggested.

“Oh, Maddie,” Thor grinned, glad to see someone he knew, “Haven't seen you in a while.”

“Haven't seen you either,” she agreed, “Having fun on Asgard?”

I glanced over at the beer Thor was holding, “He hasn't been on Asgard, but I know I have been! Oh, and...  _ I _ drink tea, by the way.”

A cup appeared in my hand and I grimaced, “Not green tea and you know it.”

Stephen chuckled, fixing the error that he definitely made on purpose. I took a long sip of my drink and he folded his hands, ready to get down to business, “My name is Doctor Stephen Strange, and this is Maddie Grimmwell. We're tasked with protecting the Earth from any being who might be considered a threat, and your adopted brother, Loki, is one of those beings.”

Thor took an unholy swig of beer, “A worthy inclusion. We're just here looking for our father.”

“So if I were to tell you where Odin is, all parties involved would promptly return to Asgard?” he asked.

Thor nodded, “Promptly.”

Maddie threw herself over Stephen’s chair, causing the man to sigh. She extended her hand to Thor, gaze deadly serious, “Pinkie promise?”

Thor grinned and obliged, “Sure. Pinkie promise. But if you knew where he was, why didn’t you contact me?”

“You don’t.... Have a phone,” Stephen pointed out.

Thor shrugged as if that little detail didn’t matter, “No, but you could’ve sent an electronic letter. It’s called an e-mail.”

I couldn’t help but snicker as Stephen continued, “Do you have a computer?”

“No, what for?” the blond dumbass replied.

“Uh-huh. Anyway, he's in Norway,” Stephen stood, and soon Thor and I were on the other side of the room, bumping against a nearby shelf. Some of his drink sloshed over much to his disappointment. Stephen was looking through a book while Maddie was watching the two of us. 

“Anything new with you two?” she asked, completely unfazed by the constant movement of the room around us. 

“I was in a play,” I explained with a smirk, “I think I nailed my part.”

“I beg to differ,” he grumbled, “My father is also missing, and Loki's been masquerading as him for who knows how long.”

“ _ I _ know how long,” I added, resting my arm on the shelf. That turned out to be a mistake, because Stephen fucked up the room again, causing several books to fall as I stumbled forward. Maddie began trying to fix them, when I was thrown backwards, slamming into Thor. She laughed, still unaffected. “Fucking shit,” I pushed myself away from the Asgardian and frantically went to fix my hair, “Stop doing that!”

“That one was her,” Stephen insisted form across the room. Maddie only shrugged in response. 

“Seeing if this spell requires any Asgardian modifications...” Stephen slammed his book shut, “Nope! Now I just-”

He stopped talking when roaring sounded form somewhere beneath us. He looked around, before calmly asking, “Maddie?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I may have saved a dragon earlier, don't worry about it,” she completely brushed it off.

“That sounds like....” Thor narrowed his eyes, “Did you...?”

“Stop you from killing a dragon in the Bifrost? Yes,” she looked at him as if daring him to say shit about it. 

“Well, that's good, I guess,” I shrugged.

“So long as it doesn't destroy the entire sanctum,” Stephen pointed out.

“It won't!” 

“We’ll see.”

Soon we were back on the ground floor, sending both of us stumbling again. Stephen and Maddie were standing beside each other, both equally amused by the two of us flailing around like drunk children. “I need just one strand of your hair,” he pointed at Thor.

“Do not touch my- OW!” His hand flew to the back of his head as Maddie walked by, snagging a strand of hair and handing it to Stephen. He began weaving it into some sort of magical portal spell, “Oh, don’t forget your umbrella.”

“Ah yes,” Thor held out his arm, resulting in a cacophony of crashing sounds from upstairs. Maddie winced, shaking her head.

“I’ll get it,” she insisted, vanishing through another portal. A few moments later, the umbrella came flying back at us with a declaration of, “YEET!” Had Thor not caught it, it probably would’ve taken my head off.

Stephen finished making the portal and stepped aside, “He’s waiting for you.”

It was then that I remembered we were missing something important. “Can we have Loki back?” I coughed.

“Oh, yeah,” Stephen twirled his other hand in the air, opening a portal above us. Loki fell out screaming and smacked against the ground, fists clenched in anger.

“I HAVE BEEN FALLING.... FOR THIRTY MINUTES!” he spat, pushing himself off the ground.

“Were you screaming like a bitch for thirty minutes too?” Maddie joked, although her guess probably wasn't too far off. 

“Good to see you again too,” Loki sighed before turning to Stephen, “Who are you?”

Maddie stopped Stephen from answering, “This is Doctor Strange, he's a friend of mine. ...Hey Loki?”

“What?”

Maddie snickered, gesturing to his dark outfit, “Whose funeral is it?”

“I haven't decided yet.” And then the knives were out, one in each hand. Thor futilely held out a hand to stop his brother, while I just silently prayed that Stephen and Maddie didn't decide to end him then and there. “He thinks he's some kind of sorcerer, does he?” Loki shouted like the angry emo boy he is, “Don't think for one second that you can just-”

“BITCH!” Maddie sent the portal forward just as Loki tried to charge Stephen, the sparking circle engulfing our whole group and leaving the building far behind. 

Loki was on the ground, looking like he wanted to die, while Thor and I stared around, taking in the cloudy sky and the sea that was raging over the nearby cliffside. I took a breath, glad to be experiencing some cool air for once, “Well. Welcome to Norway.”


	3. Thanks, I Hate It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin has been located by the magic duo, but now it is time for a family meeting.... Plus Cate

“Thanks, I hate it,” Loki spat out some grass and pushed himself off the ground.

“May I say, falling for thirty minutes did wonders for your hair,” I laughed, although it wasn't entirely untrue. “Looks better when it's not so aggressively slicked back with children’s tears or whatever the fuck.”

“You're hilarious,” he sneered.

Thor grabbed both of our shoulders and turned us in the direction of his father, who was sitting cinematically in front of the cliff. “There.”

“Thanks, Thor, I can  _ see _ ,” I groaned.

“Come, my sons,” Odin said, all dramatic and cryptic, as any true asshole would, “We don't have much time.”

Guess I'm invisible. That's fine, I suppose this is a family thing that I definitely don't need to be involved in anyway. I coughed and shuffled over to the edge, rocking back and forth on my heels while a serious conversation was happening next to me. I tossed a couple of rocks over the edge and watched them drop into the water below. Isn't gravity fascinating? Isn't it sad how desperately I'm trying to avoid eavesdropping on this conversation? My nonchalant facade, however, failed when I overheard something about a goddess of death.

“...Hela,” Odin was explaining, “Your sister.”

“Your WHAT?” I exclaimed, against my better judgement.

Odin finally turned to acknowledge me, “Oh, it’s that human person.”

“You don’t remember my name? You should,” I muttered, pitching another rock off the cliff, “But that’s fine.”

“Is this one Jane?”

“No!” I snapped, “And actually address me. Don’t talk like I’m not here.”

“What exactly is she doing with you, then?” he raised an eyebrow at me, still doing what I told him not to. Apparently my justifications for existing were more important than the seemingly crucial discussion about the goddess of death he was having with his sons. No, some chick who happened to fall through the portal with them is just sooooo much more relevant right now. ...But I do love feeling important, so I don’t object.

“See, I’ve been friends with your sons and-”

Loki interrupted me, “Hold on, let me tell it, it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t a fault, it was the best thing ever,” I scoffed, “And I want to tell it.”

Odin sighed heavily, “Will someone just tell me what’s going on?”

“Let me tell it!” I demanded again, “So, there I was, bleeding fucking everywhere-”

Loki butted in again, waving me aside, “No, no,  _ I _ am telling it, she doesn’t even remember most of it, so I AM GOING TO TELL IT-”

“Bitch, it happened to me-”

“I AM GOING TO TELL IT!” he declared, apparently very adamant about explaining the situation.

Thor reached over and pushed us away from each other, “Here, I’ll tell it! So she was bleeding to death, and this genius had the bright idea to-”   


“Loki threw the eternal flame at me,” I announced with a straight face.

Odin fixed his son with an appalled look, causing Loki to immediately jump to his own defense. “But she was dying, I had to do something, so I panicked and-”

“You could’ve let me die,” I suggested helpfully.

“Don’t-”

“Well....” Odin shrugged, implying that letting me die was a perfectly valid option, “Wait, what happened to the flame?”

“It, uh...” Loki gestured ambiguously in my direction, “She has it.”

I added in a flat tone, “I’m a god.”

Odin looked like he was about to say something snappy about how I don’t deserve godhood or whatever (which I absolutely do), and I wasn’t having that shit. With a smile, I pointed at Loki and Thor, “But this isn’t about me. Please, continue. Pretend I’m not even here.”

“Sometimes I wish I could.” Thor’s comment was good-natured, but it still pissed me off juuuuust a bit, because part of it was probably true. I just turned my back to them, praying Odin wouldn’t ask any more questions about me.

It's a family thing, it's a family thing, it's a family thing, it's a.... oh fuck he's dissolving! I briefly glanced over to see a flurry of orange sparkles floating away in the breeze, which given my previous history with orange sparkles *cough* Stephen *cough* Maddie, was enough to set off my fight or flight response.

Well, ding dong the bitch is dead, it seems! I never liked the guy at all, but still, that’s their father, so I ought to say  _ something _ . I turned, ready to say anything to break the uncomfortable silence, when the sound of faint crackling thunder made my heart skip a beat. I looked to Thor’s hand to see small bolts of lightning dancing around it, and before I knew it, he’d directed his anger onto his brother, “This was your doing.”

Before I was conscious of what I was doing, my hand was on fire and I was standing between them, the flames aimed at Thor as I shouted, “Hey, hey, hey! None of that! No!” I summoned fire in my other hand and held up that one as well, just for good measure, “Calm down, it’s no one’s fault.”

Thor just looked through me, “You exiled him here, stranded him here, to die!”

“Enough!” I gave him a quick shove, managing to push him backwards and singe his clothes. I didn’t want to actually burn him, but he needed to know that I was worth listening to, “Perhaps you’ve forgotten this on your little adventures throughout the cosmos, but I can’t be pushed around so easily anymore.”

“This isn’t your fight!” he motioned for me to put my hands down, “You’re not even Asgardian, you have no business even being here in the first place. You think just because a brush with death gave you some powers that you have any right to-”

“I know you’re upset, but I’m sure Loki didn’t mean for this to happen,” I lowered my voice, fire fading into faint wisps of smoke that trailed out in between my fingers. “Just..... LISTEN TO ME!”

“Excuse me?” Loki tapped me on the shoulder, “If we could save the bickering for later, I think that might warrant our attention.” He pointed off in the distance where some sort of dark matter was beginning to swirl, forming into something reminiscent of a portal.

“Alright, suit up,” I quickly changed into my sick-ass Asgardian gear, putting our little pissing contest behind me. The two of them did the same, drawing their weapons as a human form exited the portal. She looked like Loki on steroids, with her whole black and green emo aesthetic, not to mention her unnecessarily agressive eyeshadow. She desperately needed to brush her hair, but I guess that wasn’t really one of her priorities. She stood confidently, despite the fact that she looked like she’d pulled seven all-nighters in a row before passing out in a storm drain full of angry raccoons.

“You must be Hela,” Thor remarked, tightening his grip on his hammer.

“You must be Odin’s son,” she scanned him up and down, as if sizing him up, “Funny, you don’t look like him.”

Loki stepped forward, “Perhaps we can come to an arrangement.”

“You  _ sound _ like him,” she smirked before turning her demon gaze to me, “Who are you supposed to be?”

“Guess news doesn’t travel too quickly when you’re imprisoned,” I chose to direct my aggravation in the form of bitchy commentary, “Don’t worry, I’ve never heard of you either.”

She brushed off my remark and took a few more dramatic steps forward, “Kneel.”

Loki scoffed, “I beg your pardon?” Which is Loki speak for ‘who does this bitch think she is?’. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, having no intentions of kneeling any time soon. 

“Kneel,” her voice was still just as calm, as if Loki really hadn't heard her the first time. “Before your queen.”

I realized it was time for me to assess my options, and kneeling was absolutely not one of them. We could, of course, fight, but we didn't yet know what this woman was capable of. Loki seemed to be in favor of diplomacy, despite the fact that we were already clearly past that stage. For a moment I considered running and jumping into the ocean behind me. With my enhanced abilities, I would definitely survive, although it might not be too pleasant, but that still doesn't fix the Hela problem. 

Thor decided for me instead. “I don't think so.” He hurled his hammer at her, the mighty weapon making a beeline for her face. I was ready for Hela to receive the rude welcome she deserved, but it never came. Mjolnir was stationary in the air, held in place by Hela’s hand, which was somehow countering the supposedly unstoppable force Thor was putting into the hammer.

I looked from Thor to Mjolnir, panic rising in my chest. If there's one thing I can always count on, it's Thor using Mjolnir to kick ass, and yet here was the goddess of death, regarding the mighty hammer like it was a toy.

Thor was even more horrified than I was, “That’s... Not possible.” He began trying to summon his weapon back to him, but it didn't budge in his sister’s iron grip.

“Darling, you have no  _ idea _ what's possible,” Hela clenched her fist, cracks forming in the hammer where she was pressing down. My gasp caught in my throat as Mjolnir split apart, sending out one final burst of thunder before clattering uselessly to the ground. The sound echoed around us, eventually fading as the three of us stood in appalled silence.

** _ MMH WHATCHA SAYYYY_ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _MMH THAT YOU ONLY MEANT WELLLLL_ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _WELL OF COURSE YOU DIID_ ** ** _   
_ ** ** _MMMM WHATCHA SAYYY_ ** ** _   
_ ** **** _WHA- WHA- WHA- WHA- WHAT DID YA SAYYYY?_

Hela wasn't going to give us time to get over ourselves. She drew two sharp blades, walking towards us with every intention of killing. “Thor, move!” I jumped in front of my stunned friend, fire arcing out in front of me as I waved my hands. I crossed my arms in front of me, forming a wall of flames that managed to prevent her from sinking her knife into my chest, but I wasn't confident in my ability to hold her off for long enough. I hadn't had a lot of time to train and get used to my powers, especially with Thor being gone so long. Loki had shown me what he could, but there was no way in hell I could keep this up. I shouted for help, concentrating the fire together and launching it at her in one burst. All it did was knock her back. Somehow, she didn't seem burned at all. 

Loki also realized that as of now, we didn't stand a chance. Looking to the sky, he called, “BRING US BACK!”

“Loki, no!” Thor shouted just before the Bifrost appeared, launching all of us up through the portal.

Colorful light flew past as we ascended, but Hela wasn't far behind, having jumped in after us. “We can't let her get to Asgard!” I scowled, unable to shoot fire at her in such a narrow space without hitting Loki as well. He was the closest to her, so I settled for insisting, “Loki, do something!”

He hesitated for a moment, before launching a knife that would've killed or wounded anyone else. Hela brushed it off like it was nothing, sending a weapon of her own flying at Loki. I couldn't tell where it had hit him, but the next thing I knew, he'd gone spinning out of the Bifrost, leaving me and Thor to fend of this demon on our own.

** _ Déjà vu! I've just been in this place before! Higher on the street, and I know it's my time to go !_ **

I aggressively shook my head. Now was  _ not _ an appropriate time to be thinking of memes, although it did fit Loki’s situation rather nicely. Thankfully, now that he was no longer in the way, I was free to let loose a torrent of flames that engulfed the diameter of the Bifrost. There was no way she could have avoided it, but that didn't seem to matter. Another knife came flying out of the cloud of fire, grazing my cheek as it went past. The owner of said knife was not too far behind, emerging from the blaze with nothing but a few embers clinging to her.

“Thor-”

She grabbed my shoulder, shoving me into him and pressing us both against the wall of the bifrost, the light refracting as we fought to stay inside the boundary. She grinned, one final push sending us flying off into the void. 

I screamed as I fell, the Bifrost becoming nothing more than a thin lifeline in the emptiness above me. “Thor?” I called, searching around for any sign of my friend.

I felt someone grab my arm, pulling me alongside him. I latched on for dear life, praying that the universe would take pity on us and somehow help us end up on Asgard, but the Bifrost finally went dark, leaving us to tumble around aimlessly in the empty darkness of space. 

** _ Who can say where the road goes? Where the days go? Only tiiiiiiiime!_ **

“We’re fucked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee I wonder what that BOLD SLANTED TEXT is all about...... HMMMMMM


	4. Oh GOD, is this Willy Wonka?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are now meeting. The GrandMaster!  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

“Are you okay?” I pushed myself off the ground and surveyed the area for my friend, “Hello?”

The area was completely covered in massive landfills of trash and various chunks of scrap metal. It was like an entire planet had been modeled after my room. I grimaced at the sight and looked up to see even more trash being dumped out of portals in the sky. I guess this was where the universe dumped all its garbage. Fitting that we should end up here. “Thor, answer me, will you?”

A heap of trash stirred behind me, followed by a chunk of metal being flung in my general direction. Thor emerged from the pile, looking just as confused as I was, “Where are we?”

“How should I know? We need to find somebody and ask them. Issue is, we’re surrounded by trash and absolutely nothing else!” 

He walked over to me and sighed, “Looks like it. We should- MOVE!” He shoved me out of the way of a falling sheet of metal that had tumbled out of one of the portals. It slammed down onto the spot we’d been a few moments ago, nearly scaring the piss out of me.

** _Move, bitch! Get out the way bitch!_ **

“We should not stand under the portals is what we should do,” I avoided bringing up the well-timed meme that had aggressively popped into my head. “Do you see anything here that might be of use?”

“No, and you’re welcome, by the way.”

“For what, not letting me get flattened by falling garbage? Yeah, thanks, whatever,” I shrugged it off like a ungrateful bitch and started rummaging around for something to save our asses. It turned out to be a futile endeavor, as I found nothing but junk and discarded ship parts. “You think we can build a spaceship out of this?” I joked.

Thor, however, was not in a joking sort of mood. “Put that thing down, this is getting us nowhere.”

I threw the piece of metal I was holding back on the ground, “Fine. What do you suggest we do then?”

“Let’s just walk and see if we find someone, how’s that?” Finally, someone had come up with a legitimate suggestion, so I wasn’t going to argue. We didn’t make it that far before we came across what looked to be some sort of ship parked on top of a mountain of trash. The door on the front slid open, revealing a cluster of strangely dressed people in masks.

“Hm, I hate this already,” I whispered to Thor.

He stepped forward, “Excuse me-”

The leader of the group cut him off, “Are you a fighter? Or are you food?”

“We’re just passing through.”

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say, as the leader just shrugged and declared, “It is food!” Which, of course, meant we were going to have a fight on our hands. Thor seemed to realize this as well, and held out his hand to summon his hammer. After all that had happened, I had almost forgotten what Hela did to Mjolnir. His face fell, and I felt so bad for him in that moment, that I leaned over and gave him a high five.

The assholes who had surrounded us took it upon themselves to launch an entire net at us, knocking the two of us to the ground. “Your elbow’s in my side,” I complained.

“I’m not sure what do you want me to do about that,” he shifted around, which only made the problem worse.

“HEY!” a voice shouted from somewhere up ahead, but I couldn’t see due to my face being pressed into the ground. There was a concerningly loud crashing sound, followed by what seemed to be stumbling footsteps coming from the voice’s direction. “They’re mine, so if you want them, you’re going to have to go through me.”

“We’ll see about that,” I hissed, voice muffled by the uncomfortable position this stupid net had forced me into.

“But... we’ve already got them,” the leader pointed out.

“Alright then,” she declared, awfully nonchalant about the whole ordeal, “Guess I’ll go through you.”

Rapid gunfire filled the air, and people began falling around us, one of them flopping over the net and driving Thor’s elbow even further into my ribcage. The smoke finally cleared, and I was able to see someone walking over towards us. She threw the net off and allowed us to stand up. I breathed in a huge sigh of relief, rubbing my side and glaring at Thor. 

He nodded at the woman, “Thank you.”

She just raised an eyebrow, flinging two small objects at both of us. I felt something land on my neck and began swatting at it, “What did you just-”

She whipped a small device out of her pocket, turning it around in her hand to show it off for a moment. Looking ever so pleased with herself, she pointed forward and pressed a button at the top of the device. “Bye.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Thor?!” When I came to my senses, I immediately began jerking around, only to find that my arms were stuck to some sort of chair contraption. 

“What the hell is happening?”

I turned to find Thor next to me, caught in the exact same situation that I was. “How should I know? I’m just as confused as you are- Oh god, we’re moving.”

The chairs started down some sort of track, reminiscent of some demonic Disney attraction, which is a redundant description. “What’s happening?” he demanded. I was half expecting animatronic children to come out and start singing, but instead we were greeted by a robotic sounding voice that was supposed to answer our questions. She just ended up making me more confused, but I was able to gather that we were on some planet called Sakaar that hosted some sort of gladiator contest.

“Great, sounds like fun,” I tried one more time to jerk myself free from my restraints, “Thor, do something.”

The recording began playing music which I, regretfully, recognized instantly. With the most disgust someone could possibly have, I groaned, “Oh GOD, is this Willy Wonka?”

“Who the hell is Willy Wonka?”

“I’ll tell you later,” I promised.

The robotic voice picked up again, “You will meet the Grand Master in five seconds. Prepare yourself.”

“No thanks,” I protested, only to be drowned out by Thor’s continuous, high-pitched screaming, Everything around us seemed to accelerate, coming to an abrupt stop before a fashion disaster of a man sitting in a chair. I recognized the woman who had brought us in here standing beside him. I decided to break the silence by turning to Thor. “You scream like a girl.”

“No, YOU scream like a girl,” he retorted, not-so-cleverly.

“I am a girl, so that would make sense,” I spat, “Of course I scream like one.”

“You done?” Mr. Fashion Disaster spoke up, “Great. I am-”

“Are YOU Willy Wonka?” Thor interrupted, completely serious, “Listen well, Mr. Wonka, I will not-”

“Hey. Hey, I’m talking-”

“He looks kinda like Jeff Goldblum,” I commented.

“Stop interrupting!” he demanded for the final time. He seemed to have given up on introducing himself and instead turned to the asshole who had landed us in this mess, “Alright, what have you got for me?”

“Some contenders,” she replied, staring right at us. 

“You know what I like about you, 142? You always bring me the best stuff.”

142\. So I guess that's her name, or at least what they call her. Even without a proper introduction, I was able to deduce that the poorly dressed man was the Grand Master who had been mentioned earlier.

“I take ten million,” 142 gestured between me and Thor.

I scoffed at the laughable number, “Ten million. Please. I'm worth more than that and you know it.”

“Alright,” she chuckled, “Twelve million will do just fine.”

“Tell her she's dreaming,” another woman beside the Grand Master spoke up.

“For God’s sake, just transfer the units!” he waved his hand at her. “I wanna get a closer look at this.”

Thor didn't seem to appreciate my comment, or the man who was currently sliding towards him in his fancy chair. “Now wait a damn minute! I'm not for sale!”

The Grand Master just laughed, “Oh man, he's a fighter.”

142 marched past us, a satisfied smirk painted across her face. Thor turned to her and shouted, “You'll pay for this!”

She grinned and shook her head, “No, I got paid for this.”

“Now here's what I wanna know,” the Grand Master asked, awfully casual given the situation, “Just who are you two?”

“God of the Eternal Flame,” I announced, “Or Goddess, I accept both.”

“Wow, that's a mouthful,” he glanced over his shoulder at the other woman, “Topaz, remind me to give this one a nickname later.”

I scowled, not too keen on someone else determining these things for me, but I wasn't quite in a position to be making a scene. Thor, however, tore his arms out of his restraints, lifting them to the sky and declaring, “I... AM THE GOD OF THUNDER.”

Lightning briefly crackled around his fingers before fizzling out, and I couldn't help but feel bad. I knew why we hadn't received the fantastic thunder we'd been promised, and it had everything to do with the loss of his hammer and his father. 

“Wow,” the Grand Master chuckled, “I didn't hear any thunder, but out of your fingers, were those... sparkles?” He pressed a button on a remote, Thor’s hands reattaching themselves to the chair. “Oh, but what happened to my manners? I haven't introduced myself! Come on, follow me.”

We didn't have much of a choice. Our chairs turned and followed him out of the room, into an area where many colorfully dressed aliens were drinking and partying. He slid behind some sort of keyboard and began playing a funky tune. “I'm the Grand Master and I preside over this little harlequinade called the contest of champions. People come from far and wide to unwillingly participate in it, and you, my friends, might just be part of the new cast.”

“Sounds thrilling,” I rolled my eyes, “I've always been a fan of the theatre.”

“Yeah, well I'm not your friend and I don't give a shit about your games!” Thor continued to struggle against the chair. “We’re going back to Asgard!”

The Grand Master raised an eyebrow, “Ass-gard?”

Thor suddenly went silent, staring across the room in disbelief. Sitting there, chatting with a crowd of people, was none other than Loki. At first I was relieved that we'd managed to find him, but my feelings were soon replaced with confusion. How come we had to put up with this shit while he was over there talking away to these people like they were his old friends?

“Loki!” Thor hissed, beckoning him over.

Loki passed his drink to the nearest person, “Excuse me for just a moment.” He walked over and leaned in to speak to us, whispering, “What are you doing here?”

“What are YOU doing here?” I fired back, “We’re stuck in these hideous chairs.”

“Yeah, where's YOUR chair?” Thor asked, failing at keeping his voice down.

Loki motioned for him to stay quiet, “I didn't get a chair!”

“Well then get me out of this one.”

“I can't.”

“What do you mean you can't?” I glared down at the restraints, “Surely you at least know how they work.”

“Listen,” he shot a glance at the Grand Master, who was still jamming out on his keyboard, “I've managed to make friends with this man, he's called the Grand Master.”

“Wh-”

“I've gained his favor.”

“How?” I was unable to gesture angrily due to the stupid ass chair, but god did I want to. Instead I decided to make the okay symbol, praying that he would look down. “We just got here!”

And look down he did. He shook his head at me and continued, “The Bifrost dropped me here weeks ago.”

“Weeks ago?!” Thor gasped, getting the attention of the Grand Master.

“What are we whispering about?” he shrugged it off and began explaining, “Time works real different around these parts. On any other planet, I'd be like, millions of years old. But here on Sakaar...” He looked over at Loki and wiggled his eyebrows, which only served to amplify my already present confusion.

Loki opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it, resigning himself to the uncomfortable silence. I swear I saw Thor mouth “what the fuck” at me, so I just shrugged, but deep down, I knew. I knew what the fuck, and I wasn't gonna say a word. 

“Anyway, you know this...” the Grand Master waved his hand at Thor, “Lord of Thunder?”

“**God** of thunder,” Thor corrected. He looked ready to kill a bitch as he turned to his brother, “Go on, tell him.”

“Tell him I'm here too while you're at it,” I grumbled, growing increasingly bitter each time someone ignored me.

“Right sorry. Something something of the eternal flame?” he hastily added.

“God. We're both gods,” I smiled, sharing in Thor’s aggravation.

Loki sighed, “You couldn't just tell him your real name? Should've figured you'd go for your fancy title.” He caught the Grand Master looking between us and cleared his throat, “I've never seen these two in my life.”

“That's not true, we’re brothers!”

“Adopted,” Loki insisted, “But I don't know this woman at a-”

“Hey, you're not pulling that with me!” I cut him off before he could give any more excuses, “We’re friends, he just implied that he knew my real name! Didn't you, _ Loki _?”

“Well, then I imagine you could tell me a bit more about them,” the Grand Master clasped his hands together, “Are they fighters?”

“Take this thing out of my neck and I'll show you,” Thor was still smiling, but he was giving the Grand Master one of those most intense stares I’d ever seen. 

Loki nodded in agreement, “Oh, you have no idea.”

“Look at that, he's threatening me,” the Grand Master regarded Thor’s comment with nothing more than amusement, and I knew that would piss him off even more. “Listen, if you wanna get back to Ass... place. Assberg... Then here's the deal. Any fighter who defeats my champion, their freedom they shall recieve.”

“Then point me in the direction of whoever’s ass I have to kick!” he leaned forward as much as the chair would allow, straining until he was barely sitting. The chair may be able to contain him physically, but it could not contain his rage.

“That's the spirit!” The Grand Master pointed dramatically with his remote, “Go get em!”

The chairs started moving again, causing me to speak up, “Hey! No! I never said I wanted any part in this! Loki!”

But Loki did jack shit as the chairs continued towards a large metal door, finally ejecting us out into some ring. I jumped up and sprinted towards the door as it began to close, my foot connecting with solid metal. I slammed my fist against the now sealed door, hand erupting into flames as I did so. “YOU LISTEN WELL, YOU OVERGROWN OOMPA LOOMPA! I AM A **GOD** , AND I **DEMAND** TO BE TREATED AS SUCH!”

“STOP THAT!” Thor grabbed my shoulders and threw me away from the door. I stumbled back, eventually finding my footing before glaring at him. “You're making everything worse!”

“No!” I spat, pointing at the door, “No! I'm not standing for this! They **cannot** just push me around like this! **I am a ** ** _God_ ** **!**”

Thor groaned loudly and began walking around the ring, leaving me by the door. Looking over his shoulder, he called back to me, “Had a feeling it would go to your head!”


	5. Let's go see Grandy-M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandy M Grandy M a Twister!!! Sorry couldn't help myself XD
> 
> This Episode. Cate trying to get out of the fighting pit.

I’d given up banging on the door a while ago, and had since resigned myself to sitting against the wall and sulking. Thor had met some of the other contenders, who he had then tried to introduce to me. I, however, was unresponsive, given that I was still trapped in this less than favorable situation.  _ But having friends might make it a little more favorable! _ Exclaimed the extrovert voice in the back of my head.  _ Shut the fuck up _ , replied my moody pissed off mentality, which was definitely dominating my internal discussion. 

Thor was currently sitting beside me, facing a wall as he mumbled some sort of prayer to honor his father, and although I was pissed at him, it would be a whole new level of insensitive asshole for me to interrupt him. So I stayed quiet, even when I noticed Loki appear behind him. He joined in at the end of his brother’s speech, causing Thor to turn around and take notice of him. 

I waited for somebody to speak, the three of us sitting in tense silence before Loki finally sighed, “Hurts, doesn't it? Being lied to.” He paused, expecting Thor to say something. He didn't. “Thinking you're one thing, and the finding out it's all a fiction.” Still, Thor said nothing. He grabbed a rock that was sitting next to him and pitched it at Loki, only to have it pass through him and collide with the other wall. 

“You didn't really think I'd come see you, did you? I mean, look at this place, it's disgusting,” he gestured to the dirt floor we were sitting on. “Does this mean you don't want my help? Look, I couldn't jeopardize my position with the Grand Master. It took me time to win his trust.”

Another rock.

“What I'm telling you is, you all could join me at the Grand Master’s side. Perhaps in time, an accident befalls him, and then...” he pointed to Thor, then to me, then to himself, and gestured upward.

I was already liking the sound of this plan, so I considered for a moment. The only other alternative was trying to defeat this famed champion or escaping on our own, and then what? We go back to Asgard where Hela has already wreaked havoc? We would be going home only to die, whereas with Loki’s plan, we could benefit off the Grand Master and perhaps even take over the operation ourselves one day. Smiling, I stood and brushed the dirt from my pants. “Well, I think that's a brilliant idea. You'll put in a good word for me?”

“Absolutely,” he nodded, “So glad one of you has some sense.”

Thor shot me a disbelieving look as I strolled over to stand beside Loki’s apparition. 

“You're not gonna go back, are you?” I scoffed, “There's no point, it's a lost cause.”

“Exactly,” Loki stepped forward, trying to reason with his brother, “Hela, our sister, destroyed your hammer like a piece of glass!” I shuffled uncomfortably as he continued. “She's stronger than all of us. She's stronger than you! You don't stand a chance. ...Fine. I guess we'll just go by ourselves.”

Thor threw another rock, this one narrowly missing me. “Use your words!” I insisted, “Say something!”

He picked up yet another rock, but decided against throwing it. “What would you like me to say?” He pointed to Loki, “You faked your own death, you stole the throne, you stripped Odin of his power, stranded him on earth to die and released the goddess of death! Is that enough, or shall I go back further than the last few days?”

“Odin’s death was not his fault, we've been over this!” I spat, “You were the one running around the cosmos, ignoring both Asgard and your friends.”

“Don't even get me started on YOU,” he turned his attention on me, not even giving Loki a chance to defend himself, “You knew all of this was going on, and you did nothing! All because you finally got to play god! He was doing all of this right in front of you, and you didn't think for one second that maybe it was wrong? You didn't even tell me my own brother was still alive.”

“Listen-”

“And now here you are, abandoning me in pursuit of corrupt luxury at the first chance you get,” he scowled, “I should've known.”

I crossed my arms, bent on not letting anything he was saying get to me, even though I was guilty of every accusation he'd thrown so far. “Yes. You should have. Loki, come get me out of here before this gets awkward.”

“Will do. See you in a minute. Last chance, brother, if you want to join us.”

“Go to hell,” he retorted, earning nothing more than a chuckle from Loki.

“Suit yourself,” he vanished just as Thor threw a final rock, which ended up hitting me in the chest instead.

“Hey!” I picked it up off the ground and hurled it back at him, “Just for that, I'm betting against you tomorrow.”

“You're the worst.”

“Well, sorry!” I threw my hands in the air, “We asked if you wanted to come! Forgive me for taking the sensible option.”

“You're a coward.”

“I'm alive, is what I am! You'll be lucky if you can say the same after tomorrow,” I turned to face the wall, taking a deep breath before continuing, “...Besides, even if you survive tomorrow, Hela’s just going to kill you herself, and I don't want that to happen. You're not listening to me, are you? Well fine! I'll just-”

The door slid open and Loki grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the ring as quickly as possible. The door shut again, and I heard another rock bang against it once we were outside.

“Thanks.” I smiled and immediately punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What the-”

“That's for looking at my okay symbol,” I laughed, “Now get this thing out of my neck.”

“I'll get you back for that,” he promised, “And after all I've done for you?”

“You pretended to die, so I think I deserve this,” I shrugged. I meant it mostly as a joke, but it had still been quite the shock when he ‘died’, only to come back as if nothing had happened.

“You figured out I was alive-”

“Yeah, like, a whole week after!” I chose to brush it off and nudged him forward, “But that's all behind us now. Let's go see Grandy-M.”

“Haha, don't call him that to his face.” Behind his amusement, I could tell his warning was sincere, “I know this is hard for you, but let me do the talking. So if you have any rude comments, you should make them now.”

“This whole place is hideous and the Grand Master looks like a circus themed thrift store threw up on him,” I declared in a monotone voice.

“Oh, that he does,” Loki muttered as we continued down a grotesquely colored hallway, “Although you've looked better yourself.”

“Give me a break, I fell through the void and landed on a trash planet, not to mention I've been sitting in the dirt for the past hour,” I pinched a bit of the cape I was still wearing between my fingers, grimacing at the layer of dust it had accumulated. 

“We’ll get you some better clothes,” he decided. We reached the end of the hall, and a door slid open revealing the room Thor and I had first found ourselves in. The Grand Master was sitting in his chair again, with the same woman- I think he said her name was Topaz?- standing next to him. The fact that no one else was there was making me a bit uneasy. I opened my mouth to say something, but Loki shot me a look. Right. No talking. Shit.

“Well, look who it is!” The Grand Master exclaimed as he hopped up from his chair, “It’s my good friend and... Remind me of your name again?” He pointed to me.

“I believe she introduced herself to you as God of the Eternal Flame,” Loki answered for me, “And she is a good friend of mine, and I ask that you let her join me by your side.”

“Hmmm...” he pondered Loki’s request, sizing me up, “You trust this woman?”

Loki replied almost instantly, “Yes, with my life.” That was a lie, but so long as it got the Grand Master on my side, it didn't matter.

“Good!” The Grand Master walked over to us, getting unnecessarily close, “Because if she causes any issues, it'll be on  _ your  _ head.” He looked directly at Loki, who was trying his best not to outwardly display his concern.

The Grand Master’s cheery tone returned, and he gave Loki a good-natured shove towards the door, “See you around, Candle Wick and... Wait... Don't tell me...”

“Loki,” I said, despite my clear instructions to not talk.

“I said don't tell me!” he sighed, “Oh, and before I forget. He whipped out his remote out of one of the pockets on his tacky outfit and pressed a button. The metal disc detached itself from my neck and clattered to the ground. I stepped on it just for good measure.

“Thank you, we appreciate it,” Loki grabbed my arm again and pulled me out the door, breathing a sigh of relief once it sealed behind us.

“Thanks,” I couldn't help but rub the spot on my neck where the disc had been, “A shame Thor couldn't be with us.”

“A shame indee-”

“...Loki?”

“Shh!”

“What are you-”

He was suddenly on the defensive, blades drawn as he glared around the hall, “You can hear that too, can't you?”

“I don't hear-” But there it was. An unmistakable tune, whose sound I couldn't quite place the source of. “Loki-”

“I swear, it's been happening to me as long as I've been here!” he insisted, backing up against the wall, “You hear it?”

“Yes, I hear-”

** _ Running in the 90s! Is a new way I like to be! I'm just running in the 90s..._ **

This time, it was me who grabbed his arm as I took off sprinting down the hall. I wanted nothing to do with these incidental memes, and if he was hearing them too, it meant there was another force at play aside from my shitty subconscious. 

** _ ...We are running in the 90's, it's a new way to set me free._ **

Loki flung a knife down the empty hall after us. There was no one there, but the music still seemed to be following us. Just before the song reached the instrumental bit, I turned and threw the both of us through an open door. “Close!” I frantically smacked the button until finally, the door shut, sealing the demonic tunes out in the hall.

“Three weeks this has been going on!” he hissed, “Three weeks!”

“Did you hear the song when Hela threw you out of the Bifrost?”

“Something about déjà vu?!” his eyes lit up with the need for justice- or revenge. In this case they were probably a package deal.

“Yes! Do you have any idea why it's happening?”

His eyes narrowed, “I have a theory. Maddie Grimmwell.”

“Don't you mean Maddie Strange?” I snickered.

“They're married?!”

“No, no, it was a joke,” I insisted, “She'd kill me if I actually made you think they were married.”

“Whatever her marital status is, I bet you she's been using those cursed portals to torment me- us- with these  _ memes _ !” he was practically shouting now, occasionally shooting glances around the room to see if Maddie had appeared in one of the corners.

“She's probably recording it to send to Sarah,” I grumbled, “Typical.”

“Oh yes, Sarah ought to get a kick out of us running around like idiots,” he rolled his eyes, “Well, she's not going to make a fool out of-”

** _ RUNNING IN THE 90S!!!_ **

We both screamed, facing away from each other in order to survey more of the room. The music stopped abruptly, but we remained on guard. Loki had his knives drawn again, and I was debating whether or not to summon fire. “She's messing with us!” 

The door opened, causing both of us to flinch. Standing there was good ol scrapper 142, who looked less than pleased to see us standing there. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” we said at the same time.

“You know this is my room, right?” she crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, “Wait, how'd YOU get out of the arena?”

“He let me out-”

“You know what, it doesn't matter. Get out!” she grabbed Loki’s shoulder and shoved him into the hall, but stopped me before I could follow him, “Wait here just a minute, I need to talk to you.”

Loki paused, “Wait, hold on-”

“Bye,” she slammed her fist against the close door button, leaving Loki stranded in the hall.

“I'm not a fan of this situation,” I confessed, trying to skirt around her.

She nudged me backwards, causing me to nearly trip on an empty bottle that would've landed me on my ass.

I tried a different approach, “Can I help you?”

“What are you?” she demanded.

“I- ...I'm the god of the eternal flame-”

“No! Not  _ who _ .  _ What _ are you?”

“I'm afraid I don't understand the question,” I admitted. Maybe if I just kept avoiding giving an answer she'd drop it? “May I go?”

“I said wait! You call yourself the god of the eternal flame, but I've never heard of any Asgardian with that title,” she finally explained, “So what are you?”

“For one, I'm not Asgardian. I'm from Midgard.”

“Wh-”

I held out a hand to stop her, “Now hold on, you asked and I'm giving an answer, so allow me to elaborate. I'm friends with Loki and Thor, the guy you dragged in here with me. I happened to be dying at one point, and so they- well actually this was Loki’s idea- but he devised a plan wherein I became a god after possessing the power of the eternal flame. There's still a bit of it left on Asgard, but it's... Well, it's more of an eternal ember now.”   


Her expression grew more confused with every word I spoke. “I... What? So the Eternal Flame is... inside you?”

“Sure is,” I conjured a bit of fire in my hand just to show her, “Ta-da~!”

She leaned in, reaching out to feel its warmth, as if she were making sure it was real, “I can't believe it. Since when are they recruiting new gods?”

“Wait, since when are you so well versed in Asgardian things?” I muttered, “The Grand Master didn't even know how to pronounce it right.”

She moved to pull her sleeve down, which achieved the opposite effect of making me look directly at what she was trying to cover. I caught sight of a symbol before she managed to hide it. It was one I recognized from all the reading I'd done on Asgardian history. “No way,” I gasped, trying to stifle an oncoming grin, “You're a Valkyrie!”

She sighed and aggressively grabbed my wrist, flinging me at the door. It opened just before I ran into it, sending me stumbling out into the hall. “Wow, really? You're just gonna-”

She waved at me from the doorway, a bottle of ambiguous alcohol now miraculously in her hand. “Good talk, new god.” She popped the top off and raised it in my direction, “Here's to hoping you don't make the same mistakes as the old ones. Now get out.”


	6. So You Did Cheat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Cate is free to walk about, but Thor is still stuck. Hope he manages the battle..

“So did you cheat or did we just get insanely lucky?” I whispered as Loki and I walked away from the card table with our winnings. 

He said nothing, which was enough to answer my question.

“So you did cheat.”

“Maybe so. What, are you going to make me give those aliens their money back?” he rolled his eyes, bracing himself for a lecture.

“Of course not. I'm not _ Thor _. The only thing that matters is that we won.” I lowered my voice and added, “Also, I may have cheated a bit too.”

“What, when you didn't show your last two cards?”

“Damn, you caught that? Figured. They were the clubs I said I was out of-” I stopped talking when I noticed him frantically motioning for me to shut up.

Walking toward us was none other than Futuristic Willy Wonka himself, this time unaccompanied. “Hey! Look who it is!” he cheered, “You two been doing some gambling?”

“Just a bit,” Loki shrugged and pushed me in between him and the Grand Master, “She's been teaching everyone one of her Midgardian card games.”

“Wait, you're not from Ass-place?” he pointed to me.

I kept myself from laughing at “Ass-place” and shook my head, “I'm getting real sick of explaining this to people.”

“Then don't explain it,” Loki suggested, “Just say no.”

“Okay, then no.”

“Hm.” For a moment I thought he was going to keep asking questions, but he dropped the issue with a wave of his hand. “Well, whatever the story is, you two’d better come down the arena. Your brother's about to fight the champion.”

“Just _ his _brother,” I corrected, “I'm not related, which I thought would be obvious given that I'm not Asgardian, but-”

“But _ he’s _ related to him?” The Grand Master gestured dramatically at Loki, “You look more like whatshisthunder than he does!”

“He's _ adopted _,” I put extra strain on the word just to make it clear, “As in, not related by blood.”

** _All around me are familiar faces~_ **

“Shut up!” he shouted at the invisible meme lord.

The Grand Master looked shocked, as he hasn't heard Maddie. “Oh my god, calm down,” he turned and began walking out of the room, “You all are confusing. Just come on.”

Loki and I both followed after him until we got to some sort of fancy viewing room, complete with couches, refreshments, and a large window that overlooked the arena.

“Nice,” I whistled, throwing myself onto the largest couch. “Say, where can we place wagers?”

“I already placed mine,” Loki commented, as if it were some amazing feat. “There's someone taking them at the booth across the hall, but I'd hurry.”

I peered out of the door to see the aforementioned booth, which had already amassed quite a line. “Damn, that's gonna take forever.”

“Oh, it's not really a line. More of a suggested order.” He walked out the door and shoved his way to the front before waving for me to follow. Some people shot us irritated glances, but no one protested. 

“You betting on the fight?” an alien in tacky clothes asked.

“No I'm here to order a hotdog,” I replied sarcastically. He didn't seem to get the joke, so I just sighed and nodded, “Yes, I'm betting on the fight. Give me 100,000 units on the Lord of Thunder.”

“Wait, _ what _?” Loki sputtered, pulling me aside, “Are you sure you want to do that? I haven't seen this champion, but I've heard he is astonishingly savage. Thor doesn't stand a chance-”

“Make that 150,000,” I declared, now determined to spite Loki.

“Are you listening to me?” he waved his hand in front of my face as I turned to face the booth again, “He's won every fight he's been in!”

“Well, he hasn't fought Thor yet,” I grinned. Even though I'd promised to bet against him yesterday, I had faith that my friend could defeat any enemy they put in front of him. I wasn't nearly as confident as I was letting on, but maybe if I pretended that he would win no matter what, I could worry a little less. He's a pain, no doubt, but that didn't mean I wanted to see him get killed in an arena.

“Hey, you're looking to get a lot of money back if he wins,” the alien pointed out, “Odds are _ strongly _against that guy.”

“You see? Maybe if I'm feeling generous I'll share some with you,” I patted Loki on the shoulder and left the booth, strolling confidently back into the viewing room. The Grand Master was already making his announcements before the fight, projecting himself into the arena as a giant, poor quality hologram.

“Loki, come on!” I shouted just as he came in. “It's starting.”

“...I give you... LORD OF THUNDER!”

According to the crowd, Thor’s entrance was very underwhelming. He walked out sporting a helmet and some sort of hammer. “Damn, Mjolnir’s only been gone for like a day and he’s already replaced him,” I joked, receiving no reaction.

The Grand Master decided to tell an even better joke, warning the audience, “Watch out for his fingers, they make sparks. Okay, this is it! Here he comes. What can we say about him? Well he’s unique. There’s no one else like him. I feel a special connection with him. He’s undefeated... he’s the reigning... He’s the defending... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... The Incredible....”

The door on the other side of the arena flew open, revealing a certain Avenger I hadn’t seen in years. “HOLY SHIT!” I exclaimed, jumping up from the couch.

“...HULK!” The Grand Master finished, followed by a round of applause from the audience.

Thor lifted his hammer in the air and cheered, “YES!” The crowd’s chanting died off into mumbled of confusion at Thor’s outburst. I took the break in the excitement to glance over at Loki, who looked even paler than normal, which I didn’t think was possible. I was afraid he might pass out.

“Loki?”

“...I have to get off this planet,” he stammered, standing up and shoving through people to get to the exit.

“Hey, hey, hey,” The Grand Master was suddenly in his way, “Where do you think you’re going?” Loki didn’t answer, and instead just drifted back towards the couch, sitting as close to the edge as possible. The Grand Master took the other edge, which meant that I got the rest of the couch to myself. I spread out across the empty space, my feet dangerously close to coming in contact with the Grand Master’s tacky ass robe. I recoiled a bit, concerned that I might contract some sort of disease from it.

“You good?” I asked Loki. He responded only with a wave of his hand, but I have never seen a man wish harder for death.

Thor turned towards our viewing box and shouted, “HEY! We know each other! He’s a friend from work!”

“They know each other?” The Grand Master gasped, “Did you two know about this?”

“Well, I do _ now _,” I shrugged, “But no, I had no prior knowledge.” Loki still didn’t say a word.

“LOKI! Look who it is!” Thor called, aggressively pointing to the Hulk. 

Loki shook his head, “I hate this.”

I patted him on the shoulder and sighed, “Oh man, what a throwback. Shall I break out the zip ties for old time’s sake?”

“O h GOD, don’t remind me of that.”

“You got out.”

“I don’t care, it was embarrassing.”

“Maybe so, but we’ve all come a looooong way since then,” I suddenly found myself reminiscing, “God, we weren’t even _ friends _ back then. Well, not really.”

“Well I- OH!” he dropped the conversation in favor of what was happening in front of him. The Hulk had taken Thor and thrown him into the ground repeatedly despite the latter’s attempts at negotiating peace. “YES!” Loki practically screamed, “THAT’S HOW IT FEELS!!”

“Come on, get up!” I shouted, resisting the urge to leap from the couch as Loki had.

And get up he did, swinging his hammer at his oncoming opponent. The crowd gasped as Thor managed to get in a successful hit, and I cheered under my breath. The Grand Master caught notice of it and asked, “Wait, did you bet on him?”

I nodded before reaching up and tapping Loki, “Hey, since you’re up, wanna grab me a drink? I don’t wanna miss a second of this.”

“Me neither,” he huffed, sitting back down, “Guess you’ll die of thirst.”

“Guess so- OH SHIT!” Thor had been smashed into the wall, and was currently trying to wrench a larger hammer free from the wreckage. I squinted, noticing that his helmet had fallen off. “Did he.... Cut his hair?” I could hardly believe it, but Thor had in fact forsaken his flowing blond hair in favor of something much more appealing. It was hard to make out the details from this far away, but I could already tell how badly he’d needed a haircut. “It looks amazing.”

I swear I saw Loki roll his eyes, but didn’t comment on it.

“Ouch...” he hissed, watching his brother get punched repeatedly in the face.

“What the hell happened? He was doing fine a moment ago,” I stood up and ran to the window, pressing my hand against the glass, “Come on, Thor. You can do it.”

Everyone in the room fell silent. Loki slowly walked forward to stand next to me, waiting in anticipation for Thor to do something, or for them to call the match. It was looking as though he wasn’t going to get back up, when suddenly thunder began to rumble softly throughout the arena.

** _I was shaking at the knees, could I come again please?_ **

Between the shock and Maddie’s memeing, I didn’t get a chance to react before a massive bolt of lighting shot out from the ground, sending the Hulk flying.

** _You’ve been... THUNDERSTRUCK! Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck_ **

I felt my blood turn to ice as my jaw dropped, “_Wow._ **_Holy shit._** Loki, did you SEE THAT?”

He didn’t answer, shoving me aside to get a better view. We were most definitely blocking half the window for everyone sitting down, but I certainly didn’t care. If I took my eyes away from the match for one second, I might miss something, and I could never risk that.

Thor hit Hulk with another lightning blast as they ran towards each other in the middle of the arena. “Oh my god,” I grabbed Loki’s shoulder, shaking him aggressively, “He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna win!”

The crowd had turned in Thor’s favor as they began chanting, “Thunder! Thunder! Thunder!” I joined in with untamed enthusiasm, waving for everyone else in the viewing box to cheer along. A few did, albeit much more quietly. Loki didn’t cheer no matter how many times I elbowed him, but what was I to expect? 

“He’s got this fight in the-” I started to say when Thor suddenly fell over on the ground, lightning immediately fading. “Wh...” Confusion turned to anger as I whipped around to see the Grand Master pocketing his remote.

“HEY!” I shouted, ready to call him on his bullshit, but before I could take another step forward, Loki spun me around to face the glass. Voice lowered to a harsh whisper, he hissed, “You cannot throw a scene in here!”

“Oh really?” I tried to dodge around him, but he had me thoroughly blocked off from the Grand Fuckwad. “And why not? Who’s going to stop me?”

He pushed me backwards in an attempt to get me to stop moving around so much, “I am! Because in case you’ve forgotten, if you piss him off, it’s _ me _ who has to take the fall for it. I got you out of the arena, now for once in your life, could you just listen to me when I tell you something?!”

“But it’s not fair! He was going to win-”

“What’s with all the whispering?” The Grand Master asked, suddenly inches away from us.

Loki jumped away from me, casually smoothing out his cape “Oh, we were just-”

“Nothing,” I glared at the Grand Master. Even if I couldn’t say it outright, he ought to know how pissed I was. “We were doing _ nothing _. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.” I started towards the exit, when I remembered I was missing a very crucial detail. “...Where... is my room?”

“Across from mine,” Loki answered.

“Well, thanks! I know _ exactly _ where your room is. Thanks so much for the helpful tip, Loki, you are just a real pal. You are-”

“You’re overselling your sarcasm,” he shook his head in disappointment, “Sometimes less is more. You know, subtle, but enough to get your point acro-”

“Just show me where the damn room is.”

The Grand Master whistled, “Someone’s feeling aggressive.”

** _Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, Oh! Oh my, oh my, oh!_ **

**_ FEISTY!_ **

Loki glanced around, having heard Maddie’s latest meme as well.

I decided not to comment on it and kept bitching instead. “Oh, it’s not directed at him,” I made sure to stare directly at the Grand Master as I spoke. “Come on, Loki, let’s go off on our little room-hunting adventure before I flip my shit in here.”

“Forgive her, she’s-”

“Leaving without you!”

“Yeah, good luck with that, you don’t know where you’re going!”

“.....Shut up, Loki.”


	7. Thanks for Knocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cate's a little butt-hurt she lost the bet. But it can't be all frowns. How about a gambling cheer up day!

“Thanks for knocking.” I didn’t look up to acknowledge the person walking into my room, but I had a feeling I knew who it was.

“Well, of course, I wasn’t raised by animals.”

“Hm. Guess your brother was,” I huffed.

“....May I ask you a question?”

“You may.”

“Are those.... What are they, cucumbers? Why are they on your face? Are they actually doing anything?”

I lifted one of the cucumber slices off my eyes and glanced over at Loki, “Regardless of whether or not they’re doing anything, I am wearing them to appear relaxed and casual, when I am in fact full of rage.”

He sat down next to me and sighed, “Is this about the fight?”

“Yes! It was total bullshit!” I sat up, the remaining cucumber falling onto my lap, “Listen, he _ won _ that fight!”

“I know, I know-”

“Do you know how much money I would’ve made, had the Grand Pisslord not fucked it up? Do you? Because I do, because I asked the guy running the betting booth, and do you know what he said? Do you know what he said, Loki?” I was definitely rambling at this point, but I was too upset to try and stop myself.

“No, I don’t-”

“_5 MILLION UNITS _!!”

He whistled, “Damn- I mean, uh, that’s okay, you probably didn’t miss THAT much-”

“Not to mention I lost 150,000.”

“Mhmm, well, if it’s any consolation, I won a good half million,” he pointed out.

“How the HELL is that supposed to make me feel better?” I suddenly perked up, a smile crossing my face, “Wait.... Is this leading up to you giving me money because you feel sorry for me?”

“No. It absolutely is not.” He held up a finger before I could make some irritated outburst. “But. If you’re really set on not getting over it, I will help you win back some of it.”

I considered for a moment, “So you’re saying... we go gamble and win 5 million units?”

“We win whatever we can get,” he corrected, “So come on, get up, your sulking is getting annoying.”

“_My _ sulking is getting annoying??”

“Shh, this isn’t about me!” he waved his hands dismissively, “And I sulk.... A healthy amount!”

I gave in and stood up, making my way across the building to the card tables. Loki talked enough aliens into starting a game of poker with us, and from there we started definitely not cheating in order to win back all the money I’d lost. Loki laid down his hand and glanced at me from behind his sizeable mountain of poker chips.

“So I’ve been thinking.”

“Oh no.”

“It is definitely best if we don’t go back to Asgard.”

I picked up my fresh hand of cards, “Oh, well then I guess we agree! Hela’d kill us anyway. Besides I’m clearly out here makin money and living my best life. I’m havin a great time! Are you havin a great time?”

“Having a great time _ winning _,” he grinned, sliding more chips into the pot. “Well?”

“I fold,” declared one of the aliens.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Hold on,” I examined my cards and eventually decided to sacrifice some more chips. We were pooling our winnings anyway, so it didn’t matter if he beat me, but my pride would not allow me to back down. 

My hand wasn’t terrible, but I’d definitely end up losing money if I kept this up, given the fact that Loki was cheating. He was keeping a straight face, but after playing _ many _ card games with him, I could only assume he was back on his usual shit. I’ve cheated before too, but he always did it with magic, which made it all the more terrifying. But I couldn’t let him know I hadn’t cheated this time, so like a dumbass, I confidently pushed a few more chips into the pot, “In fact, I’ll _ raise _ you!”

The other alien who was still in the game opted to fold, leaving me and Loki to battle over the stash of chips in the middle. I was considering just letting him have it, since we’d be profiting either way, but my pride and spite were both telling me no.

...And so was a familliar voice coming from behind me.

** _Psst... Cate! Put all your chips in, just trust me!_ **

All my chips?! Of course, I couldn’t question her because no one else could hear her. “Just trust me” had a tendency to not end well for me, especially when my closest friends were involved. I trusted Maddie with my life, but not to save my dignity during this poker game.

** _You wanna beat Loki, don’t you?_ **

Maddie, you have no _ idea _ how badly I wanna beat Loki.

He pushed more chips into the pot and smugly gestured for me to make my move. “Alright,” I shoved all my chips forward, “I raise.”

Surprise briefly overcame his features, but he quickly returned to an emotionless expression as he added an equal amount of his own chips. He’d had a bit more than me, but that was definitely way over half his chips he just sacrificed.

“Alright, lay em down,” I insisted.

Before either of us showed our hands, a small flash of orange passed my vision, and I was holding a completely new, much better set of cards. I glanced over to Loki, who had tightened his grip on his hand. The corner of his mouth twitched, but other than that, he had no reaction. He sat his hand down first. “Full house.”

I fought the urge to smile. That had been my original hand before Maddie had flipped them. Obviously, he knew some shit wasn’t adding up, but he couldn’t say anything unless he wanted to confess to cheating, which he clearly had been, given that his old hand was a...

“ROYAL FLUSH, BITCH!” I slammed the cards down and jumped up, high fiving some of the other players as I raked in the massive pot. “Haha, eat my shit, Loki!”

“How did you....” he grumbled and leaned back in his chair. I could tell he was trying to formulate a way of calling me out that didn’t involve revealing his own antics, but he eventually let it go, opting to quietly seethe with anger instead. 

The other players started their own conversation, so I took this opportunity to walk over to Loki and whisper, “Ooh, sucks, huh? Getting robbed on a bet you should’ve won?”

“What the hell did you do?!” he demanded, getting to his feet.

I shrugged innocently, “I won. That’s all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cash these chips in for units.”

“Wait, so they give you units based on how many chips you take up there?” his anger faded, replaced with malicious intrigue, “Then I’m going to go steal their chips and trade them back.”

“Nice. ....So you’re not mad?”

“I’m confused. I was watching you, you didn’t move.” 

“Maybe one day I’ll tell you,” I joked, “As I’m dying or something. Anyway, toodles.” I left without another word to exchange my chips, and ended up making a pretty decent profit. Still grinning internally over my bullshit win, I decided I needed to talk about it with someone who wasn’t Loki before I combusted. “Thank you, Maddie,” I whispered, hoping she was still around somewhere to hear me.

** _Don’t mention it._ **

“Say, Maddie? How come you can’t get the three of us off Sakaar?”

** _Can’t interfere too much with the timeline. Messing with you guys here and there is about the most I can do. Besides, I thought you two just decided to you wanted to stay here?_ **

“We did. I mean, we can succeed pretty big here, I think, but that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you and Sarah, or the other Avengers. Or Thor. You’re sure I can’t just pop in for a bit?”

** _Sorry. You’ve gotta figure this out on your own. Oh- Here, someone else wants to talk to you on the ol’ interdimensional telephone._ **

_ Just what the hell do you think you’re doing? _

“Sarah?”

_ Saw you and Loki running around like idiots earlier, so thanks for that. _

I groaned at the memory, “Yeah, you’re welcome. ...So. How’ve you been?”

_ I was better before I heard you’d taken off gambling on some trashy eyesore of a planet. You need to go get Thor out of the arena, even if you’re bent on staying here. _

“But-”

_ No buts. You should know better than to leave your friends behind. You should also know better than to cheat at cards. _

** _But did you see what I did to Loki? _ **Maddie laughed.

_ Yeah, and it was rude. _

“He was cheating first!” I sputtered, a bit louder than I intended.

_ Two wrongs don’t make a right, Catherine Sweadner. _

“Okay, _ mom _!” I huffed, “Besides, we all know why you’re defending him anyway.”

_ Hanging up on you. _

“Noooooo!” I gasped dramatically, “But I’m lonely and desperate for companionship!”

** _Bullshit, you and Loki have been running around partying for two days straight._ **

_ All the more reason for you to go help Thor! _

“I suppose I can go _ talk _ to him,” I conceded, “But you know I can’t jeopardize my status here by breaking people out.”

_ She’ll come around. _

** _Yeah. _ ** Maddie sounded incredibly certain of herself. ** _She will._ **

“He had his chance to get out! Loki gave him the same offer he gave me, I was just smart enough to take it!” People were now staring at me, given than I was in the corner supposedly talking to myself. Lowering my voice, I asked, “Hello? ....Hello? Fuck, they hung up on me.”

Since my friends had decided to abandon me, I went off to find Thor, leaving Loki to steal poker chips by himself. I eventually found him and the Hulk in some horrendously tacky red and white room, where Thor was already immersed in a conversation with Valkyrie.

I interrupted like an ass, strutting on in and exclaiming dramatically, “Thor!”

“Excuse me for just a moment,” he stepped away from Valkyrie before declaring, “Well, look who it is. Have fun watching my match?”

“Yeah, actually, you did great, until the Grand Master ripped you off. Oh, and for the record, I was cheering for you before anyone else was.” 

“Thank you?”

I figured I may as well keep the conversation on a positive note. “Hey, by the way, your hair looks great!”

“Really?” he ran his hand over it, “I was against it at first, but I think it might be growing on me. So you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Thank-”

Valkyrie groaned loudly and butted her way in between us, “If you two are done flirting, I’d like to finish what we were talking about earlier.”

“Flirting? Who’s flirting?” he was immediately on the defensive, pointing at her and declaring, “We’re not flirting.... YOU’RE flirting!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” she sighed, “Just hurry up, I have things to do besides stand around and wait for you to get your shit together.”

“Well, this is great news, actually, because I was hoping I could get her to join our cause too!”

“It’s not _ our _ cause,” she spat, “Look, I already faced Hela once, back when I believed in the throne, and it cost me everything. That’s what’s wrong with Asgard. The throne, the secrets, the whole golden sham.”

“I agree,” Thor took a step closer, meaning to put a hand on her shoulder, but she whipped out a knife before he had the chance to do anything. I stifled a laugh as he batted it away, only for another one to take its place. “I agree,” he repeated, “That’s why I turned down the throne in the first place. But this isn’t about the crown, the people are in danger, and they’re your people too-”

“Which is why I don’t think it’s best that I go with you,” I interjected, “I mean, I wish you the best and all, but this is an Asgard issue, and I’m not Asgardian, so it really is best if I just-”

“Right, okay, so you’re just going to make excuses.”

“Hey! I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone, and that includes me staying here!” I protested.

“Fine. Then I’ll go without you,” he crossed his arms, meaning to offend me, but I was perfectly content to let him go alone. “At least help me get out of here.”

“I can’t. Gotta keep up that reputation.”

“You’re the worst.”

“No, you.”

Valkyrie shook her head at Thor, “Just forget it. We’re not coming.”

“I have.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Wow, what a riveting conversation,” I yawned as I examined my nails. “Hm. I need to push back my cuticles.”

“Thank you,” Thor replied. 

I glanced at him, confused, while Valkyrie chose to ask, “...For what?”

Thor grinned, holding up her remote, “For this.”

“Ooh, you sneaky little shit!” I elbowed him in the arm, “Nice!”

“Yeah, weren’t expecting that, huh?” he flipped it and caught it, looking incredibly smug as he did so. He gave the button a press, but clearly didn’t know how the remote worked, because he only succeeded in shocking himself. I laughed, bending down to pick up the remote he dropped.

“Weren’t expecting _ that _, huh?” I waved it in his face, but eventually shut it off for him, since I’m not a heartless asshole. He stole it fair and square, after all. He stood up and brushed himself off as if nothing had happened, motioning for me to give it back to him. “Try again,” I tossed it over to him like any good friend would do.

“Alright, just give me a second.” This time he managed to get the disc off, crushing the metal object under his foot as it hit the ground. “There, that’s better. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a planet to save. You two can keep drinking and gambling and working for that lunatic. But me, I choose to run towards my problems, and not away from them.” He picked up a metal ball sitting on the ground and hurled it at the window. “Because that’s-”

A familliar flash of orange redirected the ball back at him, colliding with his head and sending him to the ground. Valkyrie gave a little chuckle, but I, on the other hand, could not contain myself. I practically doubled over, laughing so hard that tears started coming out of my eyes. I thought I was about to run out of oxygen when Maddie’s voice chimed in.

** _Oh man, that was good. See, Sarah, she thought it was funny._ **

_ I never said it wasn’t funny, I just said he didn’t deserve that. _

** _Who cares? I have to have some fun, don’t I?_ **

I regained my composure, but I knew I’d just burst out laughing once I thought about it again, probably at the most inappropriate time, given my luck. “Are you okay?”

He stood up and continued right where he’d left off. “Because that’s what heroes do!” With that, he leapt through the already cracked glass, shattering it on impact. I leaned out the window and watched him slide down the side of the building before leaping onto the wall of an adjacent tower. “Good luck,” I called, not loud enough for him to hear me.

“Friend, stay!” the Hulk shouted from behind us.

“I’m afraid he can’t.-”

“MOVE!” Valkyrie threw me onto the ground just as the Hulk barreled through the window after Thor, spraying even more glass everywhere.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” I shrieked, shielding my face from the debris. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Don’t mention it,” she glanced out the window, “....We should probably get out of here before someone realizes what happened. We might get blamed for it.”

“Right you are,” I stood and brushed a piece of glass off my shoulder, “Good talk.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

We both ended up going the same direction, which made everything even more awkward. Am I supposed to talk to her since we’re still together? Or just ignore her since she already said goodbye? Since I didn’t feel like talking, I chose the latter, and split away from her path at the first chance I got, despite it being completely out of the way of my room. Once I found a quiet spot, I turned to the wall and asked, “Maddie?”

** _Yo?_ **

“You can see into the timelines right?”

** _Yeah, Stephen too. Why?_ **

“So... Thor just left to go after Hela,” I drew in a deep breath, “He’s gonna be fine, right?”

** _I can’t tell you that- Awwww, wait, you’re worried!_ **

“Yeah, that’s what friends do! They worry about each other!” I snapped.

_ Do they also let each other go into battle alone? And leave each other in death arenas? _

“Sarah, I could do without your guilt right now.” She was completely right, and I hated it, “You’re sure you can’t just tell me so I stop being concerned? I feel like he’s going to get his ass handed to him.”

_ We’re not your spirit guides. _

** _Okay, minor spoiler alert, but he ends up mostly in one piece._ **

“MOSTLY?!”

_ Maddie~ _

** _Okay, okay, I’m kidding. But seriously, it’s all up to you at this point, so good luck. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you if you don’t go and something happens. Hela’s pretty powerful after all._ **


	8. Stop What You're Doing, Act Natural!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you leave two gambling imps to their own devices, only to have reality come back for a tap on the shoulder through a drunk. Guess we'll find out!

“I don’t think you really know how to rig a slot machine.”

“Shut up,” I hissed, rummaging around in the inner-workings of the machine, “I’ve done this before. It’s just that this is an alien slot machine and-”

“Did it work the first time you tried?” Loki laughed, expecting a certain answer.

“YES, actually, it did!” I huffed, “Well... I only got to test it once before I got chased by security, but-”

He began frantically tapping my shoulder, trying to pry me away from my work, “Stop what you’re doing, act natural!”

I jumped up, dropping the screwdriver I was holding and reclining casually against the side of the machine. Valkyrie was walking towards us, so I shot her some finger guns while Loki stood to cover the still open panel where I’d been fiddling around.

“Hey,” I waved.

She skipped the formalities and cut straight to business, “The Grand Master needs to see the both of you, immediately.” Loki and I exchanged a worried look as we thought of all the possible things we could be in trouble for. Did he know about cheating at poker? Stealing chips? Covering the hallway in ice so everyone kept slipping and falling? Knocking out that one guy so we could sneak into the-

“Right now?” Loki coughed.

“I said immediately, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but... I mean, we’re kind of in the middle of something.”

“Playing slots is hardly a priority,” she tried to forcefully drag Loki away from the machine, but he stayed put. If he moved, he’d expose that we’d been tampering with the equipment.

“Just give us two minutes,” I suggested.

“Okay,” she crossed her arms and stared at us, “Counting now.”

“Like... Alone?”

“You’re in the middle of a crowded room.”

“I said what I said!” I sputtered. “Just.... turn around!”

She squinted at us, but reluctantly obliged. Loki hastily put the cover back on the machine, beckoning for me to hand him the screws.

“I don’t have them,” I whispered.

“What? I thought you kept them!”

“I told you to hold on to them for me.”

“What?!”

_ Great planning, guys. _

Loki glanced around for the source of the voice, having not heard Sarah talk to us on Sakaar yet. “Sarah? Is that you? Do you know where the screws are?”

She sighed, a hint of amusement in her voice. _ Try looking under the machine. _

He bent down to check, irritated when he found nothing. “They aren’t there.”

_ I said to check, I didn’t know for sure if they’d be there. I’m not a wizard. _

“But Maddie is!” I chimed in, “Maddie, where are the screws?”

** _How should I know? If it were me, I’d quit acting suspicious and just go with Valkyrie._ **

“Forget it!” I decided, grabbing Loki and marching past Valkyrie, “Come on, let’s go!” I heard the unsecured panel clatter to the ground behind us, but thankfully Valkyrie didn’t check. Instead, she gave us a shove forward, mumbling something about impatience.

The Grand Asswipe was waiting for us along with Topaz, who was holding a menacing looking stick.

** _Careful, that thing melts people._ **

Thanks a lot, that makes me feel so much better about this meeting. Loki, Valkyrie, and I formed a line in front of him, waiting in uncomfortable silence for him to say something. He surveyed us for a moment, before declaring, “I’m upset! I’m very upset! And do you know what I like about being upset? The blame.”

I thought back to when Valkyrie and I had witnessed Thor escaping. She’d said something along the line of “let’s get out of here so we don’t get blamed”, but yet here we were, about to be blamed. I looked around for possible exits, but there was only the one behind us. Then again, it’s two gods and a Valkyrie against a tacky drama queen and a woman with a melt-wand. If need be, I will kick some terribly-dressed ass.

“Right now, that’s the mindset that I’m in! And do you know who I’m blaming?”

“Is it us?” I asked.

“Hey! No interrupting!”

“You asked me a-”

“A rhetorical question, yes!”

“Here you go,” Topaz offered him the melt stick.

“Wh- Why are you handing me the melt stick?” he shoved it back towards her and sighed, “She was interrupting. That’s not a capital violation!” He took a breath and continued, “Where was I? Oh yes! My precious champion has turned up missing, and it’s all because of that Lord of Thunder. All because of _ your _ brother.” He pointed to Loki. “Adopted, or whatever the story is. And _ her _ ...” he trailed off once he got to me, “I’m sorry, how do you know the Lord of Thunder again?” 

“It’s _ God _ of Thunder, and he’s a friend of mine,” I corrected, “Why are you even blaming us? He’s _ her _ contender!” I gestured to Valkyrie, who glared at me for trying to throw her under the bus.

Loki stepped forward, “My dear friend, if you could just give me twelve hours, I could bring them both back to you, alive.”

Leave it to him to try and smooth things over. The Grand Master seemed to be considering his offer, when Valkyrie jumped in. “I could do it in two.”

“I could do it in one!” I declared, not one to be outdone.

He held out a hand, “Let’s stop there. You know what? I woke up today thinking about a public execution.” The three of us exchanged a worried look, but he soon added, “But for now, I’ll settle for this sweet little ‘who’s gonna get him first?!’ So, you’re on the clock.”

“Now?” I asked.

“Now. Go. Be gone,” he waved. I took that as my cue to bolt out of the room, knowing whoever didn’t find him would be in some deep shit. Thankfully, I had a general idea of where they’d gone. The room with the demolished window was exactly how Valkyrie and I had left it: a total disaster. I looked out the window to check if the quinjet was still there, which shockingly, it was. That meant Thor and the Hulk were still on Sakaar, and they couldn’t have gotten too far. I was in the middle of looking for a way to get down there, when I heard Sarah exclaiming something in the back of my head.

_ Hey, Loki needs help. Are you listening? You need to- _

** _Sarah, you’re not supposed to tell her things, it’s cheating. We can only hint cryptically at stuff like that._ **

_ Well, too late. Now she knows. _

“Why? What happened?” I took a step back from the window.

** _We’ve already said too muc-_ **

_ He got in a fight with Valkyrie and could probably use some help, so go! _

“Dammit, Loki,” I groaned, “Okay, where are they now?”

_ Near whatever room you were getting lectured in- _

** _Oh my god, you can’t just tell her EVERYTHING! May as well go ahead and let her know that Thor dies later._ **

“WHAT?!” I was momentarily seized by panic, but Maddie’s laughter told me I had nothing to worry about aside from my friends being assholes.

** _Kidding again!_ **

“That was a terrible joke,” I grumbled, “Go back to making memes.”

_**Maddie.**_

“Stephen?” I wasn’t expecting an appearance from the wizard master himself, but I was glad to hear from him nonetheless, “What’s up?”

** _What’s up is that these two are breaking the rules by interfering with the timeline. _ **

** _It was Sarah! She’s telling Cate what to do so she can save her boyfriend-_ **

_ My WHAT? _Sarah sounded almost as irritated as she did whenever we hung up on her during missions.

“Wait, which one of you’s holding open the call?” I asked.

_**I am, but I’m about to shut it down if certain people don’t start using it for the right purposes.**_

“Which are?”

** _Messing with you._ **

_**And making sure everything goes smoothly in the timeline.**_

“Well, it was going fine until the Grand Master decided to get all pissy with us for something that wasn’t our fault,” I complained, “But you said you’ve been holding it open the whole time? I just kind of assumed Maddie was doing it.”

_ _ _ **She’s making me do it because she doesn’t want to stop using her magic.** _

“Using it... for what else?”

** _Well, I mean... I don’t want to stop steadying his hands, so... I just-_ **

“Aww, that’s sweet of you,” I grinned, “You make a great wife, Dr. Strange Love.”

_ _ _ **What is she talking about?** _

** _Nothing, she’s being an asshole._ **

I snickered and waved dismissively, “Yeah, it’s nothin’ to worry about.”

_ Hey, the Loki thing is kind of a time sensitive issue, so if you could... _

“Oh shit! Right! On my way!” I took off down the hall before Maddie and Stephen could distract me with how cute they were together. Hopefully my window of opportunity for saving Loki’s ass hadn’t passed yet, but my dreams were dashed when I saw Valkyrie marching down the hall alone.

“HEY!” I shouted, opting to take a direct approach to the situation. “Where is he?”

Her hand instinctively went to pull out a knife, aiming it at me from across the corridor. “Excuse me?”

“Loki,” I repeated, “What’d you do? Where is he?”

“Oh relax, your friend’s fine,” she scoffed, “I threw him somewhere where he won’t bother us.”

“So he’s unharmed?”

She shrugged, “Mostly, yeah.”

“Great. Why don’t you put the knife away so we can negotiate like mature adults?” I suggested, “How many units for you to let him go?”

She didn’t move her knife, and instead just laughed, “You can’t buy your way out of this one.”

I didn’t want to fight her, but another plan was formulating in the back of my mind, “...What if I bring you Thor? And then you can turn him in yourself.”

“Now why wouldn’t I just go get him myself?”

“Because I’ve known him way longer than you have. We’re like _ this _ ,” I pressed two of my fingers together and shoved them in her face for emphasis. “I know how he acts and how to get him back here without causing a scene. What exactly is your plan? Walk up and pull a knife on the _ God _of Thunder?”

“Okay, well do you have a better idea?”

No, to be honest, I didn’t, but I had to come up with something fast, “Look, he already doesn’t trust you given all that you’ve done up until this point. If I agree to help him get out of here, I can give ‘em the ol backstab and turn him in instead.”

“Hm.”

“Besides, if you go, that leaves me all alone to go look for Loki, and to be honest, he probably needs someone guarding him. He’s got a lot of tricks up his sleeve,” I warned, “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m a bit adverse to burning my friend, so you do have any other sort of way I could raise an alarm?”

She tossed me some other sort of remote, “Page me once you see him and lead him back this way. I’ll meet you in my room.” I started to leave, but she stopped me with a shout. “Hey! You bring him to _ me _, you understand? Then I’ll take care of it from there, and I’ll let your friend go. If you try and double-cross me, you and whatshisface are both going to regret it, you hear me?”

“You have my word,” I said, like a liar.

“Good,” she nodded, “Now go, so I can make sure that one guy-”

“It’s Loki.”

“Whatever, I’m not gonna remember that. Just leave so I can make sure he doesn’t escape!” she gave a dismissive wave before continuing down the hall.

_ Thanks for trying. _

“Don’t worry, I’m going to fix the situation,” I assured her, “But I need to focus on this, so please no more distracting me with timeline spoilers!” The call fell silent after that, which I took as Sarah and the _ newlyweds _ following my suggestion. From there, I made my way out of the building and into the frenzy of the streets, where crowds of people were out cheering for the Hulk, complete with confetti, parades, and unnecessarily loud screaming. “If I were Thor, where would I go?” I muttered. I went to check the quinjet first, but no one was there. In fact, the whole thing had been rendered unusable. 

Quickly abandoning that idea, I took to the streets, checking various alleys and tunnels for the elusive Asgardian. Finally, as I went to cross the street, I spotted him and Bruce, who were attempting to inconspicuously slink through the crowd. I pulled out the remote, when I realized I had no idea how to change the channel to page the Grand Master instead. Of course, I was never planning on helping Valkyrie. I was gonna get rewarded for bringing back the missing gladiators, and then I was gonna break Loki out of wherever Valkyrie had tried to put him. Besides, if it kept Thor from going to Asgard and getting murdered by his demon sister, then was it really so bad?

I grabbed the first person I saw out of the crowd while keeping an eye on Thor. “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but uh, could you show me how to use this? I’m trying to contact the Grand Master.”

They looked annoyed, but took the remote and pressed some buttons before handing it back to me, “Top button.”

“Thanks!” I smiled. They didn’t return the gesture and walked away immediately. “Wow, rude.” Regardless, I knew how to use the pager now, assuming that asshole hadn’t just bullshitted me. I pressed the top button, relieved to see a tiny hologram of the Grand Master appear in front of me.

“Hello? Did you find them?”

I began following Thor as I spoke, “Yes, I’m following them right now. I’m going to convince him to follow me, or at least stall, so all you have to do is come get them.”

“Great! A little more work on my part than I would’ve liked, but I’ll send people to come get them,” he decided, “Oh! And keep the pager on so I can track your location, will you?”

“Will do,” I tucked it away in my pocket but made sure to leave it running. Quickening my pace, I ran up behind Thor and tapped him on the shoulder. He whipped around, part of his hair covered by some ugly looking tarp. “What the hell is on your head?”

“It’s a disguise,” he explained, pulling part of it over his face, “See?”

“Wow, that’s probably the worst disguise I’ve ever seen, considering I spotted you across a crowd,” I laughed. Looking behind him, I waved, “Hey, Bruce.”

“Hey,” he nodded his head in acknowledgement, “Long time, no see, huh?”

“Afraid not.”

“What’ve you been up to since I last saw you?”

“You know,” I shrugged, “Ascension to godhood. The usual.”

“Wh-”

“I’ll tell you later,” Thor dragged both of us over into a nearby alley, “Now, are you here to be helpful this time?”

I gasped, feigning offense, “When I have not been helpful?”

“I can think of _ endless _ examples.”

“Doesn't matter, I wanna help get you out of here. Naturally, I will not be accompanying you, but you’ve got to get off this planet,” I explained, lowering my voice, “The Grand Master has plenty of ships you can use, we just have to sneak into the hangar and get one. Shouldn’t be too hard, given that I know where most things are.”

“Wait, so you need us to go _ back _ into the place we just escaped from?” Bruce asked, “Oh man, I don’t like this idea.”

“Well, only one of us technically has to go, but it’ll save us some hassle if you both board at the same time,” I was bullshitting more and more by the minute, but so long as they kept asking questions, the Grand Master’s people had time to come find them. I had to admit, I felt a bit bad about doing this, but essentially my whole future here was riding on this plan working. Thor might not be happy with me, but he’d be alive, which was more than I could guarantee by letting him go to Asgard.

“Won’t you get in trouble for helping us steal a ship?” Thor raised an eyebrow, “I thought you were big on building a reputation here.”

“I might, but he’s already not happy with Valkyrie and Loki. Besides, I get the feeling that he isn’t exactly hard to appease,” I admitted. Putting a hand on his shoulder, I added, “Besides, I’m willing to risk it for my _ best buddies _.”

A staticky voice erupted from my pocket, “You’d better not be trying to double-cross me!”

“What was that?” Bruce looked in the direction of the sound.

“Oh dear, did my pager come on by accident?” I muttered, trying to mask the panic that had came along with the Grand Master’s interruption.

Thor lunged forward, reaching into my pocket and pulling out the pager, which was still displaying the Hologram. I glared at the pixely version of the Grand Plan-Ruiner and spat, “You just had to say something.”

“You were trying to help them steal a ship!”

“No! I was getting them to _ trust me _ ! That’s was the entire _ point _!”

“Phew! For second it seemed like-” His voice was cut off as Thor crushed the pager in his hand, letting the now mangled device fall to the ground beside his foot.

“Shit,” my voice had jumped about four octaves. There was no way I could salvage this now.

He shook his head in disappointment, “You know, I really thought I could count on you. Some friend you are.”

“I’m sorry?” I offered, nervous laughter slipping into my voice.

“Me too.” 

I was an idiot to think he was just gonna let me walk away out of the kindness of his heart. Instead, he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back before shoving me forcefully into a nearby wall.

“Ow...” I hissed, face now pressed into the side of a building, “That’s no way to treat a friend.”


	9. I’ll Grill Your Ass! Yeah? Then I’ll Smite Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cate, Loki, and Thor are back in a squad. Took 'em long enough!!

“Unhand me!” I demanded, thrashing angrily while Thor continued to hold my arms behind my back. “I’ll grill your ass!”

“Yeah? Then I’ll smite yours,” he warned.

“Remind me why we came back in here?” Bruce was on the lookout for anyone who might recognize Thor, now that he’d managed to sneak us back into the main building.

“We’re looking for Valkyrie.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so?” I grumbled, “Maybe if you be a little nicer to me, I’ll tell you where she is.”

“Or I could just infer, given that she’s standing in that doorway over there,” Thor suggested, marching up to said door and tossing me inside. I hit the ground right in front of Loki, who was sitting chained up in the corner, thanks to Valkyrie.

“Great work,” he snickered.

“Shut up,” I stood and brushed my hair out of my face, “Made it further than you did.”

Valkyrie walked over to us and sighed, “I told you not to try and go behind my back, but I suppose you did technically bring Thor to me, so thanks for failing.”

I scowled, but decided against throwing a scene. I wasn’t exactly in a position to be arguing with anyone. “Look, she was gonna turn you in anyway-”

“Actually,” she smirked, “I wasn’t.”

“So you lied.”

“So did you.”

“...That’s fair.”

She turned back to Thor, “Listen, I’ve spent years in a haze, trying to forget my past, but I don’t want to forget anymore. I can’t turn away, so if I’m gonna die, it may as well be driving my sword through the heart of that murderous hag. ...So, I’m saying I wanna be on the team.”

Thor grinned and nodded, “Great!”

“Does it have a name?”

“Yeah, it... It’s called...” he looked at Bruce for help, but received nothing, “The... Revengers. Because you’re getting revenge, I’m getting revenge. Bruce, do you want revenge?”

“I’m... undecided,” he muttered, not overly thrilled with Thor’s name choice.

“I’d like some revenge!” I offered.

“Had a change of heart?” Thor crossed his arms.

“Listen, this Sakaar situation is shaping up to not work out for me,” I explained, “The Grand Master is not a fan of mine, and Valkyrie might be onto something. If we’re gonna die, it may as well be protecting something you care about. Also, I mean... You all would be lucky to have me.” I winked, straightening my collar.

“Now hold on,” Thor took a step forward and gestured to me, “This all seems awfully sudden to be genuine. You’re sure you’re not going to try mess everything up again?”

“I confess, I’ve made a few mistakes along the way, but I’ve actually been giving this a lot of thought. I figured it would be easier for me to stay here, plus I didn’t want you to...”

“Hm?”

“Nothing. I was being selfish is all.” Oof, is this what it feels like to admit your flaws? Because it’s not a very good feeling. “The right thing isn’t always easy.” Ooh, yes, that makes me sound good and virtuous. 10 good guy points to me!

“Excuse me-” Loki spoke up, only to have Valkyrie chuck an empty bottle at his head. It shattered against the wall above him, spraying glass everywhere.

“...What the fuck?” I asked calmly, “Let the man speak.”

“Yes, let’s be civil,” he nodded, “But are you trying to abandon me? Whatever happened to our swell conversation about staying here?”

“I’m not abandoning you!” I countered, “I was just about to ask you if you wanted to come. The Grand Master can’t be happy with you either, I just don’t think Sakaar is going to work out for us. So? What do you say to bailing on this thrash planet and going on a little adventure?”

Bruce, who had been hanging in the doorway until now, stepped forward, “Hold on, I don’t think that’s...”

“Hello, Bruce,” Loki smiled.

“So,” he coughed, “Last time I saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where’re you at these days?”

Loki looked him dead in the eyes and answered, “It varies from moment to moment.”

Bruce took that as his cue to walk away, not wanting to deal with any vaguely malicious gods. Thor and Valkyrie were busy conversing about the plan over on the other side of the room, gesturing at the window. “So Sakaar and Asgard are about as far apart as any known system,” she was explaining. “Our best bet is a wormhole, just outside of city limits. We refuel on Xandar, and get back to Asgard in.... eighteen months.”

“No, we are going through the big one,” Thor pointed to a gaping portal that was somewhat reminiscent of a giant, stormy asshole.

My assumptions turned out to be dead on. “The Devil’s Anus?” Valkyrie scoffed.

Bruce gasped, “Anus? Whose anus??”

Thor jumped to his own defense, “For the record, I didn’t know it was called that when I picked it.”

“That looks like a collapsing neutron star inside of an Einstein-Rosen bridge!” Bruce exclaimed, but all the rest of us heard was “Science, science, science, I have more PhDs than all of you combined, given than none of you have any PhDs. I’m Bruce Banner! SCIENCE!”

“That looks like an asshole,” I corrected, “A big, shitty asshole. I for one, think it was appropriately named.”

“We’ll need another ship,” Valkyrie took a swig of whatever mystery booze she was holding, “That thing will tear mine to pieces.”

Thor looked in my direction at the mention of ships.

“Hey, I wasn’t lying when I told you about the hangar,” I explained, “It’s just... a little harder to get into than I was letting on.”

Bruce was nodding along with what Valkyrie was saying, “She's right. We need one that can   
withstand the geodetic strain from the singularity and has an offline power steering system   
that could also function without the on board computer.”

“And we need cup holders because we’re all gonna die, so... DRINKS!” Valkyrie laughed as she raised her bottle in the air.

“So? What do you say to a little adventure?” Thor clasped his hands together.

“We just need a ship,” she stated for like the seventh time.

“I don’t mean to impose,” Loki braced himself for another airborne bottle, but it never came. “But the Grand Master has a great many ships, as was pointed out earlier. I may have even stolen the access codes to his security system.”

“Bless you,” I grinned, “I was hoping you might say that.”

Valkyrie squinted, “Suddenly you’re overcome with the urge to do the right thing.”

Loki chuckled at the mere idea that he would ever consider such a thing, “Heavens, no. I’ve fallen out of favor with the Grand Master, and in exchange for codes and access to a ship, I would like safe passage through the Anus.”

I snickered, “Anus.”

** _PHRASING!!_ **

She wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hilarious.

“Oh, grow up,” he groaned.

“Loki, let me laugh at a damn anus joke without getting all pissy,” I retorted, “It was funny and you know it. You could’ve just as easily said ‘portal’ or ‘wormhole’, and you knowingly chose to say anus. So now who's being inappropriate?”

“Still you.”

“I’m glad you’ve decided to go with us though, instead of being irrational and forcing me to leave you behind, like  _ someone _ we know,” I shot a glance at Thor to see if my joke was well received. It wasn’t. He returned my look with nothing more than a glare, before turning back to Loki.

“You’re saying you can get us access into the hangar without setting off any alarms?”

“Yes, brother, I can,” he nodded, “I literally just said that, in fact.”

“Can we just...” Bruce pulled Thor and Valkyrie to the side, “A quick FYI. I just talked to him earlier, and he was totally ready to kill any one of us.”

“He did try to kill me,” Valkyrie pointed out.

“Yes, me too. On many occasions,” Thor suddenly broke out into a smile, “There was this one time, when we were children he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it, and he transformed back into himself and he was like, ‘MYAH, it's me!’ And he stabbed me. We were... eight at the time.”

“What?” I laughed, nudging Loki, who was smiling as well. “How come I was never told this?”

“Hey, no eavesdropping!” Valkyrie demanded, despite the fact that Thor had been speaking at a conversational volume that was incredibly easy to overhear.

“We’ll need a diversion,” I said, completely ignoring Valkyrie.

Thor and Valkyrie exchanged a look, seeming to come to some secret conclusion that I wasn’t a part of. He finally decided to enlighten the rest of us, “We’re going to start a revolution. Cate, Loki, come with me. Valkyrie, I’ll leave the diversion to you.”

She smirked, ready for action, “I’m on it.”

“Ahem. Someone needs to get me out of this first,” Loki reminded us.

Valkyrie reluctantly went to help him, while I shuffled towards Thor. “Hello,” I tried, giving him a little wave, “Are you upset with me?”

“I’m trying not to be,” he muttered, “It depends on how the rest of this little adventure goes.”

** _Awww~ I think he likes you~_ **

“I think you’re wrong,” I hissed.

“Hm?” Thor heard me speaking, “Wrong about what part of that?”

“Nothing, I wasn’t talking to you.”

Loki soon joined us by the door, taking it upon himself to lead us down towards the hangar. We made it about halfway there after a trip to the armory, where I acquired a fun looking gun, spending the whole time in uncomfortable silence, before Thor spoke up, “Hey, we should talk.”

“I disagree,” Loki finished punching a code into the wall and ushered us through the door. “Open communication was never our family’s forte.”

“I’ll say,” I scoffed, not entirely sure if I was invited into this conversation or not.

“Been quite the revelation since we last spoke,” Loki unlocked another set of doors, but this time a group of armed aliens was waiting for us on the other side. We all put our fancy new guns into position.

“Hello,” Thor greeted, before we all opened fire, clearing out the room in no time at all.

I ran after them as we approached the next door, deciding that I ought to let Loki monologue without interrupting the suddenly serious mood. “Odin brought us together, it’s almost poetic that his death should split us apart. We might as well be strangers now, two sons of the crown, set adrift.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it,” Thor huffed.

Okay, monologue over. Guess I can butt in again. “God, Loki, you’re so dramatic. So you’ve had some disagreements, so what? ‘Might as well be strangers’? ‘Set adrift’? How many deciduous trees are there on Asgard, Loki? Huh?”

_ Shut up. _

Loki rolled his eyes, “You’re one to talk about being dramatic. Just let me have my moment, would you?”

“Fine.” We all dropped our guns in front of an elevator before stepping inside. This would take us down towards the hangar, so hopefully we wouldn’t be met with much more resistance.

“Here’s the thing,” Loki sighed, “I’m probably better off staying here on Sakaar.”

“Yeah, I was thinking that too, only now Grand Pissbaby’s mad at us,” I pointed out.

Thor shook his head, “A shame. This place is perfect for you. Savage, chaotic, lawless... Brother, you could do great here.”

“That’s literally what we were trying to do before you ruined it,” I complained, “Right, Loki? Loki?”

He glanced over at his brother, dodging my question, “...Do you really think so little of me?”

“Loki, I thought the world of you,” Thor confessed. I shuffled my feet, feeling as though I was intruding on a family conversation. It was a lot like Odin’s death, except somehow worse, because I was in a cramped elevator and I actually liked all of the people involved this time. “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever, but at the end of the day, you’re you, and I’m me. Perhaps there’s still some good in you, but let’s be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.”

Loki nodded along, looking down at the floor, “Yeah.”

“Probably for the best that we never see each other,” Thor reached over and patted his brother on the shoulder, “That’s what you always wanted, isn’t it?”

Wow. Harsh. I coughed loudly, my need to lighten the mood before I got second hand sadness growing ever apparent. “Man, you guys are gonna make me cry,” I laughed, “Where’s that team spirit?”

Thor immediately seized the opportunity to better the situation, “Hey, let’s do get help.”

Loki finally looked up, “What?”

“Get help,” Thor smiled.

Loki seemed to connect the dots, frantically shaking his head, “No.”

“Come on, you love it.”

“I hate it!”

Thor took notice of my curiosity, “ _ She’ll  _ love it.”

** _Oh Thor~ She loves YOU._ **

I grimaced, but Thor couldn’t hear Maddie, so my dignity stayed intact for now.

“I don’t care what she loves!” he protested again, “It’s humiliating.”

“We’re doing it,” Thor decided, “Cate, can you do me a favor and act all concerned when we get off the elevator?”

“On a scale of one to ten, how concerned do you need me to be?”

“Do not encourage this,” Loki pleaded, but it was a lost cause.

“Like, a one would be ‘I just clogged someone else’s toilet’ and a ten is like ‘my whole family might have perished in a fire’,” I explained, excited for an opportunity to act my heart out.

Thor thought for a moment, “Whatever number Loki dying would be.”

“Oh, so like... a four.”

“Hey!” Loki snapped, looking genuinely offended.

“Kidding!” I elbowed him in the side, “You’re  _ at least  _ a six.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, we’re getting off! Positions!” Thor grabbed Loki, partially hoisting his brother over his shoulder. I put on my best worried expression, trailing behind them as they stepped off the elevator. A group of guards was waiting, staring at the spectacle before them. “Help!” Thor cried, “My brother, he’s dying! Somebody HELP HIM!” 

** _This bitch empty!_ **

With that, he chucked Loki forward, barreling over all of the distracted guards. My concerned facade instantly shattered, replaced with uncontrollable laughter.

** _YEET!!_ **

“Loki, are you okay?” I managed to choke out between bought of snickering,

He stood and brushed himself off, “Still hate it. It’s humiliating.”

“Not for me, it’s not,” Thor marched forward, unable to wipe the grin off his face. 

Loki and I followed after him as I began to finally calm down. He glared at me, still bitter, “Next time, you’re getting thrown.”

“Okay,” I shrugged, “Sounds fun. Although, you do make a pretty good projectile.”

“Oh, go to hell,” he spat. He glanced ahead of us to see if Thor was listening, before dropping his voice to a whisper, “Hey, if you really want to stay here, now’s your chance.”

“What are you talking about? Loki, wha-”

“What are you doing back there?” Thor turned and beckoned us forward, “Come on.”

We obliged, conversation coming to a swift end. Clearly, whatever he’d been about to say had not been meant for Thor. 

“Now which one’s the ship she told us to get?” Thor surveyed the hangar.

“The Commodore,” I pointed to a red and yellow ship that I recognized from exploring Sakaar a few days ago.

“Although I doubt it’ll make much difference.” Loki was no longer next to me, and was instead standing beside some sort of control panel, grinning to himself.

Thor sighed, “...Loki.”

His hand hovered just above a lever as he spoke, “I know I’ve betrayed you many times before, but this time, it truly is nothing personal. The reward for your capture will set me up nicely.”

Thor turned on me, “Are you in on this??”

I raised my hands in surrender, backing up towards Loki, “This is the first I’ve heard of this.”

“Ah, but she could be,” Loki interjected, “All she would have to do is help me turn you in. I’d even give her.... 20% of the reward.”

“I- Uh- I mean-” I stammered, not at all ready to make this kind of decision, “You- Thor- Um-”

“I mean, I’m doing most of the work here, but I’d be willing to negotiate 30%-”

Thor cut him off, shaking his head, “Never one for sentiment were you?”

Loki grabbed the lever, ready to sound an alarm, “Easier to let it burn.”

“I agree,” Thor pulled out a familliar remote, accompanied by a cacophony of air horns that were likely Maddie’s doing, and smiled as he pressed the button. Loki immediately dropped to the ground as his brother marched confidently towards him, flipping the remote a couple of times just to show off. I stayed put, concerned that if I tried to interfere, it might be my ass on the ground next, so I just let Thor go on with his monologue. “Dear brother, you’re becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about... It's about growth. It's about change, but you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.” He flipped the remote one final time before chucking it across the room, “I’ll just leave that over there for you. Now, your ex-partner in crime and I have places to be, so good luck!” He grabbed my arm and pulled me along towards the ship, leaving Loki stuck flat on his back to fend for himself. I could’ve sworn I heard Deja Vu playing as he dragged me onto the ship’s ramp.

“Hey!” I spat, swatting at his hand, “You can’t just leave him there!”

“Really?” he didn’t let go, much to my annoyance, “Then go back and help him and take your chances with the Grand Master.”

“Thor, no, listen, you’re making a mistake.”

“Am I? Why should I listen to you?”

“Because we’re friends!” 

“Are we though?”

“...What?” I pulled my arm free, glaring at him disbelief, “What are you talking about? We’ve been friends for years now.”

“See, here’s the thing,” he hissed, closing the distance I had just put between us, “The thing about friends is, they’re supposed to have trust in each other, and you and I... Well, we don’t have that. Now that I’m thinking about it, perhaps we never have.”

I sputtered, offended, “Yeah, but- We- Loki and I are friends and we don’t trust each other for shit!”

“The perhaps you ought to reassess your idea of friendship,” he suggested, starting up the ramp.

I gripped his hand to stop him from leaving, “Perhaps you ought to kiss my ass! He saved my life and made me a god, which is more than you’ve ever done for me, by the way. What good have  _ you _ ever done me?!”

“Then go back!” he shouted, pointing over in Loki’s direction, “It’s that easy! Stay here, smooth things over with the Grand Master, and never hear from me again! You’d love that, I’m sure.”

“Perhaps I would.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“....I could turn you in right now, you know,” I threatened, “Split the reward  _ evenly _ with Loki, and spend the rest of my life enjoying the shit out of myself here.”

He pulled out the remote again, shoving it my face, “Try it. You won't make it very far, because I stuck one of those discs on you too. And do you want to know why? Because I expected this of you! Because you  _ are _ selfish, and you don’t give a damn what happens to your friends if you see some sort of profit!”

“Not what happens to  _ you _ , no,” I retorted, unable to keep my anger from bursting free, “Hela can tear you apart for all I care.” I didn’t mean that at all, but I was just looking for anything I could hurl at him to make him back down. 

“Figured as much. You think I haven’t seen this before? I know exactly what type of person you are, because I’ve seen it in Loki, I’ve seen it in myself, and now I’m seeing it in you.” He didn’t even seem surprised by my words, and that hurt more than any insult he could’ve conjured. He’d... expected this from me? I guess he really didn’t trust me to begin with. I opened my mouth to speak again, but he cut me off with a wave of the remote, “And I don’t want you to fall into that trap, you hear me? ...So, what’ll it be? Are you going to help me defend my home, or are you going to stay here where you can act on all your arrogant whims?”

I stood there, fist clenched, for a solid minute, before mumbling my reply. “Drop the remote.”

“If you agree to come.”

“Drop the damn remote, Odinson, I’m not in the mood.”

He let the remote go as I brushed past him, running up the ramp. After getting situated in our chairs, he maneuvered us out of the hangar, opting not to speak until we were in the air. “We need to page Valkyrie.”

“Okay,” I answered monotonously, fiddling with a few buttons on the control panel until Valkyrie’s voice sounded throughout the ship.

“You got it?”

“Yeah, we got it,” he shouted back into the receiver, “Meet us out in the city, I have a feeling we’re going to have some unwanted company.” I might’ve just been imagining it, but I felt as though he was glancing at me when he mentioned ‘unwanted company’. Crossing my arms, I leaned back in my chair.

Sure enough, the sky was swarming with Sakaarians, most of them aiming to bring us down. “We should be firing back,” I pointed out, “Valkyrie, where are the guns?”

“There are none!” she insisted, “It’s a leisure vessel! The Grand Master uses it for his good times. Orgies and stuff.”

“Great, remind me to sanitize my hands later,” I grimaced and decided not to think too much on it.

“Open the doors,” she instructed. Thor pressed a button, two slots on the floor of the ship opening up. A few second later, Bruce came flying up from below us, nearly falling back out of the ship as he scrambled to his feet. Grabbing the back of Thor’s chair, he shouted, “What did she say about orgies??”

“God, I don’t wanna think about it!” I groaned. Looking out the window, I saw Valkyrie jumping around and taking out some of the hostile ships, explosion after explosion thinning out the ranks of our pursuers.

“I should probably be helping,” Thor tapped Bruce on the shoulder, “Take the wheel!”

“What??”

“You can do it. Use one of your PhDs!” he called, jumping down from the doors and onto another ship.

“NONE OF THEM ARE FOR FLYING ALIEN SPACESHIPS!” he shouted back, but Thor was long gone.

“Here,” I slid into the seat instead, “I’ll do it.”

“You’ve flown a spaceship before?”

“I’ve driven a car before,” I shrugged, “Close enough.”

“Oh boy,” he took my old chair and gripped the sides, probably convinced I was going to kill him, “So what happened to Loki?”

“Changed his mind,” I muttered, still bitter from my argument with Thor, “The Ol’ Lord of Thunder and I are a bit pissed at each other over recent events, so I’d like to just focus on flying.”

“Sure. ...Are you sure this thing doesn’t have a gun?” he scanned the rows of buttons, finally settling on one that had an explosion-esque symbol on it, “That one kind of looks like a gun.”

“Then press it.”

As soon as he did, a flurry of colorful fireworks erupted from the back of the ship, along wiht a cheerful declaration of “It’s my birthdayyyy~!” from a hologram of the Grand Master.

“Nice!” I laughed, looking over my shoulder to see nothing but vibrant fire and smoke. There was no way the other ships could successfully navigate through that. “That’s like, the next best thing to a gun. ...Hey, wanna see me do a barrel roll?”

“No, I do  _ not _ !” he gripped the sides of the chair even harder, which I didn’t think was possible.

“Haha, I’m just kidding!”

“Good-” He turned around just in time to see Valkyrie and Thor jump into the ship, nearly bumping into each other.

“Hi, Valkyrie.” I still didn’t want to talk to Thor, and the feeling was most definitely mutual.

“Looks like we’re coming up on the devil’s anus,” she noted, walking over and leaning over the controls, “Want me to fly, or can you take it from here?”

“Honey, I am plunging this ship  _ deep _ into that anus and no one will stop me,” I laughed, pulling up on the steering wheel. The ship tipped backward, sending Thor, who wasn’t holding onto anything, stumbling back towards the doors. “We should close those.” I pressed the appropriate button, sealing all of us inside.

The anus was much more terrifyingly awesome up close. The portal itself was surrounded by a cloud of swirling ash, fog, and debris, and the red light pouring from the hole only added to the atmosphere. “Oh yeah,” I grinned, “You all ever been inside an anus before? ...On second thought, don’t answer that.”

“Someone’s definitely been in an anus on this ship,” Valkyrie joked, “It is an orgy ship, after all.”

“Gross,” Bruce sighed.

I agreed, but couldn’t help from snickering, “Don’t touch anything. Anus germs are everywhere.”

** _I can think of a certain Asgardian who may have gone on some anus adventures beforehand~._ **

_ Maddie, what the hell are you talking about? _

** _How do YOU think Loki gained favor with the Grand Master? There were definitely anuses involved._ **

I nearly coughed up a lung, unable to actually acknowledge them. Maddie and I had a similar theory, however, and I was certainly planning on interrogating Loki when- ...if we met up with him again.

Now having entered the cloud, I steered the ship towards the giant red glow above us, grinning at my passengers as I announced, “Alright, begin the countdown! 5... 4...”

The three of them joined in, albeit a couple of them were reluctant. Soon, we were all chanting in unison, “3.... 2... 1...  **ANUS!** ”


	10. I Could be Winning Poker Games Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the wormhole!!!! AWAYYYY! TIME FOR A BATTLE.

I slowly looked around as I woke up, trying to gauge the consciousness of my fellow shipmates. Bruce was tapping his fingers on the control panel, while Thor and Valkyrie were still passed out in the back.

Laughing, I got his attention, “Man, that anus knocked me out cold.”

“Yeah, me too, I guess,” he yawned.

“That’s the most powerful anus I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop.”

I dropped the topic of anuses, watching us drift through space instead. We were currently on a course to Asgard, and were expected to arrive there shortly. As far as I was concerned, this ship could take its time. I was in no rush to see Hela again, and I still wasn’t entirely convinced I’d made the right choice by coming. “I could be winning poker games right now.”

“What?” Bruce asked, “I can’t hear you.”

“Nothing, I was just muttering to myself...” I swiveled in my chair to face him, crossing one leg over the other, “Bruce.”

“...Yes?”

“You’re a pretty decent fellow. Mind if I ask you a question?”

He raised an eyebrow, “O...kay? I mean, it depends on the question, but sure, go ahead.”

I took a breath, hands waving as I spoke, “How do you.... Tell someone that you genuinely care about them even though you’ve been an absolute dick to them?”

“Good question,” he turned back and forth in his chair as he formulated an answer, “How about... I genuinely care about you and I’m sorry for being an absolute dick to you?”

“What?” I scoffed, “What? No, no, that’s so forward. How do I do that without actually confessing that I’ve done anything wrong?”

“You.... can’t. That’s how open communication works.”

** _Actually you can it's called the 'I really care about you even though I've been a dick so take my emotions through this cuz I can't admit I've done anything wrong' kiss.... or hug if you're still in denile. Though I don't know how you reached egypt._ **

“Well that’s just riddiculous!” my response was directed at both Bruce and Maddie, though I was much more frustrated with the latter.

“What’s riddiculous?”

“Thor!” I exclaimed, “Good morning! Are you still pissed at me?”

He didn’t answer as he made his way to the front of the ship, “We’re coming up on Asgard.”

Sure enough, within a few minutes, the glistening golden buildings of Asgard came into view. At first, everything looked normal, but once we got closer, Hela’s devastation became apparent. Trees and various structures were either on fire or destroyed, and there was hardly a sign of the Asgardians who once populated the planet.

“I never thought I’d be back here,” Valkyrie, who had regained consciousness, muttered.

We all clustered at the window to get a better look. “Bruce, first impressions?” I asked, regarding the fire-torn landscape before me.

“I thought it’d be nicer,” he admitted, “Not that it’s not nice, it’s just... Well, it’s on fire.”

“That it is...” Thor turned to address the whole group, “Up in the mountains, there are people clustered together. I need you three to help get them out while I deal with Hela.”

“Alone? I don’t think so,” I interjected.

“You are  _ not _ facing Hela with me. The point is to save everyone else, not just kill Hela, and right now, that’s the most important task, and that’s where I need you,” he explained, “Wouldn’t you like to be the savior of Asgard?”

“You know, the whole flattery trick only works when you aren’t so painfully obvious about it,” I spat, “But if you die, I’m gonna be so mad at you.”

“There, ship has a gun now,” Thor took a step back to admire his handiwork, “Oh, and I found this in the armory.” He passed Valkyrie a set of clothes, which we definitely did not have time for her to change into.

“Thanks, now let’s speed this up a little,” I sighed, shoving Thor in the direction of the palace, “Be safe, don’t die, kick ass.”

“The same to you,” he nodded. And then he was gone, off to fight his demon sister without backup.

“Alright,” I jumped back on the ship, “Valkyrie, you wanna man the gun?”

“Absolutely.”

“Great, I’ll fly!” I jumped back into the pilot’s seat and started up the ship, flying off down towards the Bifrost where the Asgardians were clustering. “Alright, we just need to help get them through the- FUCK.”

Standing in the way of the Bifrost, was a giant wolf, whose name I believe was Fenris, and there was absolutely no getting around him. The Asgardians started running in the opposite direction, only to be met with Hela’s undead army, who glowed an eerie green against the rainbow sheen of the bridge.

Valkyrie had begun shooting at Fenris, shouting angrily, “This stupid dog won’t die.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine, I got this,” Bruce walked over to the door and spread his arms dramatically, “You wanna know who I am? Well watch this!”

“Bruce, no-” I started to say.

He jumped anyway. I was expecting the Hulk to come out when he hit the bridge, but instead he just smacked against the surface, laying motionless next to Fenris. Valkyrie looked more confused than ever, stopping her barrage of bullets. The wolf continued to charge, nearly trampling the Asgardians, when another force pulled him back, swinging him across the bridge.

“Oh my god,” Valkyrie gasped. Standing there, sans Tony Stark's ruined clothes, was the Hulk, ready to kick ass.

We were so busy watching the spectacle on the bridge, we didn’t notice another, much larger ship approaching beneath us. The ship’s ramp extended out of the fog as I brought the Commodore closer to the ground, followed by a triumphant cry of, “YOUR SAVIOR IS HERE!”

Seeing my chance, I jumped from the ship, landing on Loki and knocking him to the ground. “Thanks for the introduction!” I grinned, taking a dramatic bow.

Loki scowled from where he’d been slammed onto the ramp, “Leave it to you to ruin my entrance.”

“You’re welcome. I see you’ve got your helmet back,” I tapped the gem in my crown, activating a helmet of my own, “You have small horns.”

** _That’s not all that’s small~_ **

“Oh, how the hell would YOU know? ...Don’t answer that.” He glared up at the invisible meme lord in sky before turning his attention back to me. “You know...” he got to his feet, “I did the helmet thing first.”

“But I did it better,” I smirked, turning to the Asgardians before he could get in another word, “Everyone o-”

“EVERYONE ON THAT SHIP, NOW!” he cut me off, looking incredibly smug, “What? I’m not letting you have all my glory.”

Clearly, he just HAD to show me up, leaping from the ramp taking out a small group of undead soldiers like it was nothing. My gaze slowly drifted from where he was still wreaking havoc, to the castle where Thor was supposed to be fighting Hela. 

“Hey,” Loki shouted from the bridge, “Are you going to come help me or are you just going to stand there all day?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I shuffled towards the edge of the ramp, but didn’t take my eyes off the castle. Thor had told me to stay here and help Valkyrie, but Maddie’s warning wouldn’t get out of my head: ‘Don’t blame me if you don’t go and something bad happens.’ If she can see through timelines, surely that warning had a purpose?

I nearly screamed as a knife entered my field of vision, a mere few inches from my face. The blade retracted, an enemy soldier falling to the ground behind me. Breathing heavily, I whipped around to see Loki, knife still in hand. “Pay attention, dammit!” he spat, pointing to the heap of bones on the ground, “I’m not saving your ass twice.”

“Sorry, I just...” I involuntarily shot another glance over my shoulder at the palace. Loki followed my gaze, his face suddenly lighting up with understanding.

“Go,” he insisted, “Go help him. We’ve got everything covered here.”   
“But-”

“GO!” he gave me a shove for good measure, before flinging himself back into the fight.

“Dammit, Loki. you might have a point for once,” I muttered under my breath, wasting no more time running to the castle. Despite the fact that I had no magic flying hammer to take me wherever I wanted to go, I made it there almost impossibly fast.

“Thor?” I called, glancing around on my way to the throne room, “Thooooor?”

No response.

I finally made it to the room, where Thor and Hela were in the middle of intense combat, blades flying in every direction. I smirked upon seeing that her back was turned to me. Thor didn't seem to notice my arrival either, too focused on deflecting his sister’s attacks. Hands ablaze, I ran up behind her and slammed into her, sending us both flying across the floor. Sparks flew as our horns scraped together, and I couldn’t resist shouting, “TAKE THAT, YOU MUTANT REINDEER.”

“Cate?!” Thor shouted over the commotion.

“Fancy seeing you here!” I aimed an arc of fire at her, only succeeding at singeing her god awful outfit, although it was hardly the worst I’d seen on my adventures. “Fuck,” I hissed through gritted teeth. I prepared another attack, despite knowing in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t work.

Hela raised one of her blades to strike at me, only for Thor to draw her attention, “ENOUGH! Your fight is with me, not her!”

“So be it,” she grinned, launching her dagger at Thor instead, who managed to evade it.

He looked over at me, confused, but unable to process much due to the chaos. “Run!” he demanded, gesturing wildly towards the exit, “Get out of here!”

He was right. That would’ve been the smart, sensible thing to do, but some gut instinct deep within me wouldn’t allow me to back down from this fight. Hela may not have a direct quarrel with me, but if she’s attacking Thor, then I sure as  _ hell _ have a quarrel with her. That’s my friend, and I’m done leaving him behind.

“Like hell!” I spat, charging Hela again. This time, however, she knew I was coming, deflecting my advances and sending me flying over the balcony. I barely had time to react, lunging for the railing to keep myself from falling into the courtyard below. By some miracle, I managed to hold on, fire fizzling out around my hands as I fought to pull myself back up. “Shit...”

“Cate!” Thor came running over, stopping a few feet from the ledge so he could keep an eye on Hela. “Are you alright?”

“Just fine...” I looked down, trying to gauge the distance of the fall. It was nothing I couldn’t survive, especially being a god, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt like a bitch. I glanced back up at Thor, “Wanna help me u- THOR MOVE!”

He didn’t get my warning in time.

While we were both distracted, Hela had come up behind him, knife in hand, not even bothering with being subtle. Somehow we had both missed her strutting around like the smug bitch she is. Drawing her hand back, she slashed at Thor, blood flying across the balcony. I shouted as a few drops of it splattered across my face, “FUCK! Are you okay?!”

Hela shoved him towards the ground, allowing me full view of the gaping wound where his eye had been moments ago. A gasp caught in my throat as Hela grabbed my arm, all the words tumbling around in my head manifesting themselves as, “Don’t touch me, you witch!”

My hand erupted into fire again, but that accomplished nothing aside from making her flinch as she wrenched me off the railing and pitched me into the courtyard. 

I hit the ground with a rude smack that knocked the wind out of me. Gasping for air, I moved all of my limbs in turn to make sure nothing was broken. With a groan, I slowly got to my feet, glaring towards the balcony where I could make out the shape of Hela standing motionless over Thor. “Dammit, she’s monologuing....”

I debated going back up there, but if I tried to fight her again, I doubted she’d be so courteous as to throw me off the balcony again instead of just stabbing me. “Motherfucker,” I cursed, slowly backing up. 

I was getting ready to run, when a faint crackling stopped me in my tracks. I’d know that sound anywhere. The balcony began to glow with a white light as the sky grew darker with the promise of a storm. My breath caught, suspended as I waited for Thor to show Hela what he was made of.

A massive bolt of lightning split the sky, thunder sounding throughout the city, drowning out of the sound of my own cheering. Hela was launched from the balcony as I stood laughing, sporting the widest grin I could manage.


	11. Who’s Saving Whose Ass Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle Continues!!!

Thor briefly landed in the courtyard, wasting no time grabbing me before flying back off towards the Bifrost where the rest of the fight was taking place. I cheered, hanging on for dear life as we soared through the air, lightning still sparking around us.

The soldiers turned their attention onto us, piling on top of each other to see who would get their skeletal ass handed to them first. Just before we reached the ground, I jumped, landing to the side of the pile and summoning as much fire as I could muster. 

Bones flew everywhere, accompanied by a loud blast of thunder, confirming my suspicion that Thor had absolutely decimated the stack of dumbasses. Fuck yeah. I, however, did not have time to bask in Thor’s success, running down the bridge to meet Loki and Valkyrie who were taking out soldiers with their knives. The Hulk was elsewhere still grappling with Fenris, but that was beyond my control. What I could control was the ring of soldiers that had managed to surround Loki, and while he was fending off those in the front, he looked he could use some assistance.

I readied a blast of fire as I ran up behind him, but as I did, I became aware that the remnants of the eternal flame were all around me, in the form of the enemy soldiers. Perhaps I could....

Reaching my hand back, I called the flame towards me, green flame arching away from the soldiers and turning red as it reached my hand. Their eyes went dark as they clattered to the ground, and I swished my hand in front of me, the new fireball colliding into the skeletons in front of Loki and sending them flying. He turned around in surprise, examining the columns of fire that were still emanating from my hands.

Smirking, I triumphantly demanded, “Who’s saving whose ass now?”

Loki hurled a knife, impaling the eye of another soldier who was rushing up behind me, “Still me.”

“I thought you said you weren’t saving my ass twice.”

“So long as I’m beating you, it’s fine. It’s 2-1 right now, so step up your game,” he brushed past me, on his way to continue fighting, but there was one advantage I had over him. Running off in the other direction, I stretched my hand out towards the soldiers just as they came at me with swords, extracting even more of the flame for myself. “That belongs to me, thanks.” The more enemies that fell around me, the larger the cloud of fire around me grew. ....And the more obnoxious Maddie made slurping noises in my ear.

“Shut the fuck up!” I hissed as I swung a stream of fire at another group of soldiers.

Valkyrie, who was near me, looked at me like I was crazy, but I caught Loki shooting me a sympathetic glance. He knew exactly who I was shouting at.

A bolt of lightning struck down onto a group of hostiles that I was planning on taking out myself. Glaring at Thor, who was still aglow with electricity, I grumbled, “I was going to take care of that.”

“Gotta be quicker next time,” he shot another bolt through a line of several soldiers, all of them falling to the ground in unison.

I was ready to show him that he wasn’t the only god in this battle, but my attention was quickly ripped away by a darkly clothed figure marching towards us. “Thor, it’s the bitch!” My shout got Loki and Valkyrie to look as well, all of us staring menacingly at Hela, weapons at the ready. I shuffled forward, grabbing Loki’s shoulder and whispering, “Cover me.”

“Wh-”

Before he had a chance to respond, I charged Hela, a myriad of flames at my disposal. She didn’t seem to see me coming, and I knew Loki had decided to work his magic. With a shout, my hand collided with her face, smoke and fire flying as she stumbled backwards. Her eyes lit up with anger as she summoned one of her daggers, lunging at an illusion of me that Loki had conjured.

I took he opportunity to retreat back to the others, incredibly satisfied with myself. Hela cursed in frustration of as blade connected with nothing but air. Thor looked at me like I was the biggest dumbass alive, which I was. Loki just leaned over and sighed, “3-1. I’m still winning.”

“I told you to do that!”

“This isn’t over!” Valkyrie snapped, pointing her sword at Hela.

Loki, after realizing my fire punch did nothing but piss her off, gestured to Thor, “Hit her with a lightning blast.”

He sputtered angrily, the sparks around him finally dying out, “I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing!”   
Loki changed his approach, “Then we just have to hold her off until everyone gets on board the ship.”

“It won’t end there,” he shook his head, “The longer Hela's on Asgard, the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.”

“Then what do we do?” I asked, keeping my eye on Hela in case she decided to attack us. One thing I’d noticed about Hela, is that she was so sure of her victory, she loved to take her time. She was going to stand there watching us debate, because she had it in her mind that we couldn’t kill her anyway. Well, I’ll show her.

“I’m not doing get help,” Loki insisted, taking a step away from Thor.

Thor didn’t acknowledge Loki, looking down and muttering to himself, “....Asgard’s.... Not a place.... It’s a people.” He suddenly lit up, a idea striking him, “LOKI!”

His brother jumped, “Wh- Yes?”

“This was never about stopping Ragnarok. This was about causing Ragnarok. Surtur’s crown, the vault!” He pointed off in the direction of said vault, “Go!”

“One problem, brother,” Loki hissed, “The flame....” He trailed off, and both of them slowly turned to look at me.

“Oh, I see,” I straightened my collar, “You need me to go save the day.”

“No, wait, listen here,” Thor marched over towards me, “You can’t- You need to-”

“She  _ needs _ to come with me so I can show her where the vault is and we can finish this!” Loki wedged his way in between us, “It’ll be fine, but we need to hurry.”   
“I agree,” I grabbed Loki’s arm and began towing him in the direction of the Commodore, which Valkyrie had parked towards the end of the bridge. “Let’s go.”

“Be safe, you two!” Thor shouted after us.

“We will, we will, stop worrying!” Loki waved dismissively and ushered me onto the ship. “God, this is madness...” He grumbled, taking a seat in the pilot’s chair. I sat beside him and propped my feet on the controls.

“Ready for liftoff, captain!”

“You do understand....” he began maneuvering the ship into the air, soaring above everyone on the ground. I saw Hela shoot a glance up at us, but she had her plate full dealing with Thor and Valkyrie.

“Do I understand... what?”

He kept his gaze fixed forward as he spoke, “That as soon as you do this, we’re going to have to RUN and fast, unless you wanna get toasted by an ancient demon.”

“Maybe I do.”

“No, you don’t.” Loki was clearly not in a joking mood. “And get your feet off the controls, it’s disgusting.”

I wiggled my toes at him, grinning, “Make me.”

“I can’t, I’m flying,” he groaned, “Can’t this damn ship go any faster?”

“Let me fly and I’ll show you,” I ran over and made a move to grab the controls, only to have Loki jerk them away. The ship tipped to the left, sending me tumbling across the floor. Fucking inertia.

He laughed, amused at my failure as always.

“Oh, always good to get one last joke in before we both die, right?” I huffed, standing up to see the castle approaching.

“We’re not dying,” he insisted, lowering the Commodore towards the doors. “Thor would kill us.”

“Ah, but you’ve died before. He must be used to it by now,” I elbowed him in the side as we stepped off the ship. He didn’t respond, just waving me forward and running into the castle. I tried to keep up with him, but he made so many turns so quickly that I nearly lost him. I finally caught up with him in front of a large set of doors. Grumbling, he tried the handle, only to find that Hela had locked it to keep people from taking the treasures that now technically belonged to her.

“Well f-”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he grinned, acquiring some sort of lock pick out of god knows where. I wasn’t going to ask.

“Are you sure you can do that? That’s vault’s gotta be pretty well- Oh, you’re done.”

He flipped it in his hand, looking pleased with himself, “You’d be surprised how many locks I can get through.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” I sighed, but agreed to follow him down into the chamber where all the treasures sat on their own pedestals. A massive hole was in the middle of the floor, exposing a now empty tomb that used to house the undead soldiers we’d just finished fighting.

A rushed up towards the altar where the eternal flame once sat, only to find it dark. Hela must’ve used the last of the embers to raise her army. “Loki, l- ...Loki?” I turned to see Loki gazing fondly upon a glowing blue cube. My thoughts were immediately catapulted back to the time he’d tried to take over the world with that  _ fucking cube _ , and I knew no good could come from this.

“Hoe, don’t do it,” I warned, skirting back around the hole so I could repredmand him.

Grinning like an idiot, he reached out, threatening to touch it. I grabbed him by the cape, jerking him back and nearly pitching him into the gaping pit. “Hey, watch it!” he snapped, regaining his balance and smoothing out his cape.

“I mean it, you cube whore, stay away from that tesseract!”

He snickered a bit at cube whore, but held up his hands in mock surrender, “I’m only saying, if you want a fast way out of here, that’s our ticket.”

“Do you not remember all the trouble that dumbass cube caused you years ago?” I hissed.

“Yes, I do, but it’s thanks to that cube that we even became friends in the first place, so you ought to be grateful,” he insisted, “Now, unless you fancy somehow running to get onto an already airborne ship, I suggest we use the tesseract to teleport out of here.”

“Fine, but if you cause any trouble, I’m throwing you under the bus.”

“Since when did  _ you _ become a killjoy? I thought you loved doing things of questionable morality.”

“Since when did everyone develop the notion that I’m a terrible person? Now stand back while I take care of this flame business.” I grabbed the skull off a nearly pedestal, making sure to put a good amount of distance between me and Loki.

“Cate.”

“Hm?”

“Don’t use too much,” he cautioned, “You, uh, you might die is all.”

“Oh, well if that’s all, I’ll just get going,” I chuckled.

With a sigh, Loki rolled his eyes, “I wish you’d stop joking like that. I’m all out of options if you die again. Also, if you die under my watch, Thor will make sure I swifty follow you.”

“Then for your sake, I best not die.” Not wasting any more time, I called forth some of the flame, the fire quickly engulfing the skull and lighting its eyes, casting an eerie glow over all of Odin’s treasures. I dropped the skull as a rumble filled the room, fire only growing more powerful after I let go.

“Give me your arm!” Loki yanked me towards him, trying to force my hand onto the tesseract.

“I’m not touching that,” I scowled in disgust, “It’s probably been up your ass more than the Grand Master!”

“Oh, fuck you!” he took the cube with his free hand and pressing it into my palm. He said something else, but I was unable to make it out, as the rumbling had only grown louder during all the time we’d spent bickering. Fire soon erupted throughout the room, followed by a small flash of blue, and then darkness.


	12. Get Your Foot Out of My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ragnarok has been done. Hope the duo escaped

“Get your foot out of my side.”

“Where the hell even are we?”

“I don’t know, where did you teleport us?!” I fumbled around in the darkness, eventually grasping onto a door handle that I pulled with all speed. The metal door slid open, dispensing me and Loki onto the floor. “Nice teleporting, jackass.”

He didn’t respond to me, jumping to his feet and retreating back to whatever storage closet he’d dropped us in. “Where’d it go?!” He dug around for a moment before retrieving the cube, sighing in relief. His relationship with the tesseract reminded me a lot of Thor and Mjolnir, except Mjolnir was loyal and trustworthy. The tesseract was a shifty bastard, and probably a thot. Hey, kind of like Thor and Loki themselves!

“Where’re the others, is the question,” I stood as well, fixing my hair, “How do we even know we’re on the right ship?”

“Good question!” he shoved me forward, “Why don’t you go look, so I can hide this?”

“Why-”

“I don’t want you knowing exactly where it is! Yggdrassil knows you already have enough leverage over me to begin with!” he insisted, “Now go.”

“Well maybe I’ll tell Sarah.”

“No, no, no-”

“HEY SARAH,” I shouted, expecting an answer from either her or Maddie. However, the call was surprisingly silent, which worried me even more than Maddie’s intrusive memeing. Loki had dodged a bullet. This time.

“You said you’d only throw me under the bus if I did something bad!”

“Keeping secrets from your friends is bad.”

“So is stranding them in an arena.”

“....Fuck you.” He was right, and I hated it.

He let the subject of Thor go and extended his hand to me, offering a deal, “How’s this? You tell me how you won that game of poker, and I’ll tell you where I’m hiding the tesseract.”

“You wish, bitch, I’m taking that one to the _ grave _,” I waved, walking off to go find Thor, “See ya later.”

I had no clue where he was even supposed to be. I tried a multitude of doors, even asked Maddie for help, only to recieve no reply. “Fuck,” I muttered, opening the twenty-seventh door. “Thooooooor??”

“Looking for Thor?”

I jumped and whirled around, only to find Valkyrie standing there, “I.... might be.”

“Oh, hey, I didn’t realize you got out that fiery hellstorm alive. Good for you,” she pointed down the hall, “Take a right, second door, I believe. I’m sure he’d be glad to see you’re okay.”

“He’d better be,” I joked, taking off once more. I entered without knocking, hoping that the element of surprise would be on my side. His back was turned to me as he stood in front of a mirror, examining a new eyepatch he’d put over his wound. I tried to sneak up behind him, but the thing about mirrors is, they reflect.

“Cate.”

“Fuck.”

He turned, having caught me mid-sneak. “So. I take it you made it back okay?”

“No, I’m dead,” I scoffed, walking up to him like a normal fucking person, “How’s the eye?”

“...Gone.”

I wasn’t sure whether or not that was supposed to be funny, so I refrained from laughing. I took a breath, slipping in an awkward cough in order to give me time to formulate my next sentences, “So. uh. I have something I might need to say to you.”

He raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested, “....Go on...”

“Uh,” I cleared my throat obnoxiously, “I’m...”

“Are you having a stroke?”

“I’m sorry, okay?!” I blurted. He looked shocked by my sudden outburst, so I quickly tried to regain the shattered remnants of my composure. “...I’m sorry, about Norway, about Sakaar, about abandoning you and then trying to betray you, and every other shitty thing I’ve done. I know the list is long.” I paused in case he wanted to say something, but he stood silently, listening intently. “Truth is, ever since you came back, I’ve been a real dick of a friend, and it’s probably because.... I don’t know, I’m a bitter bitch, I guess. Uh. Anyway. Um. Fuck. Yeah. Sorry.” When he still didn’t say anything, I slowly extended my hand, “So, I guess what I’m saying is... I hope you can forgive me, and we can be friends again.”

He took my hand, but instead of shaking it, he yanked me forward, wrapping me in the tightest hug known to man. I let out a hiss as my ribcage collapsed in on itself like a dying star. As I was fighting to get free, he finally spoke. “Of course I forgive you. ...And I’m sorry too, about some of the things I said. I didn’t mean it.”

“That’s... okay...” I managed to squeeze out of my slowly liquifying lungs, “Can’t.... Breathe....”

“Oh, sorry,” he loosened his grip, freeing up my arms so I could return the gesture. “So we’re still friends?”

“Always,” I grinned, “Thanks for putting up with me, I know I can be an ass sometimes.”

“It’s not one of your most endearing qualities, but I care about you regardless.”

“Oh. Am I interrupting something?” I heard Loki’s voice by the door, followed by Thor detangling one of his arms from around me.

“Brother!” he exclaimed, “Get in here.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay-”

“Get in here,” he repeated, aggressively beckoning him over, “I wasn’t sure you two had gotten out, so it’s the least you can do.”

“Laying the guilt on thick, eh?” I snickered as Loki reluctantly shuffled over, only to be met with the same bone-crushing hug as me. To tell the truth, this was the most uncomfortable hug I’d ever been a part of. Thor was still crushing part of my arm, and Loki’s pointy ass elbow was wedged in my side, but I’d live. After all, it doesn’t matter how many organs you rupture in the process, it’s all about the everlasting power of friendship~! ...But damn did my side really hurt.

I was about to demand to be released, when Thor declared, “I’m so glad you two are okay.”

“Us too,” I grumbled. “B-”

“I love you both, you know that?”

“Oh,” I was caught somewhat off guard by the sudden heartfelt sincerity, but I could only reply, “I mean, I love you guys too.”

“Please let go,” Loki thrashed a bit, and I was worried his elbow was going to break my skin if he moved again.

“Loki~” Thor smiled, refusing to let either of us go, “Say you love us~”

“I....” he trailed off into a series of angry grumbles, finally confessing, “Okay, I appreciate you both a fair amount.”

“He loves us,” I reached around as far as I could to tap Thor on the shoulder, “Now release!”

He obliged, dropping both me and Loki, the latter of which gasped dramatically for air. “Oh thank goodness.... Well, now that that’s all said and done, I suppose you have a kingdom waiting for you outside.”

“Right,” I chimed in, “I guess you’re king now. I mean, I’ll do it if you don’t want to-”

“Me too,” Loki added, but Thor quickly put a stop to our joking by shoving us towards the door.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.”

“Your throne,” I gestured dramatically to a chair by the observation window, “O worthy king.”

He rolled his eyes at me and sat down, leaving me and Loki to hover behind him. Hulk and Valkyrie were standing off to the side, as well as Korg and Miek, two friends Thor had made in the arena on Sakaar. The room was silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, the Asgardians waiting expectantly for Thor to say something. While he was formulating his speech, I took the liberty of addressing the crowd. “Asgard!”

Everyone trained their eyes on me. Over the past two years I had spent there, they’d all gotten to know who I was, and even though I’d never held a position of power myself, I’d often picked up a bit of unspoken authority, just by being friends with Loki. “Hail to your king!”

In perfect unison, the entire kingdom dabbed, causing Loki to clutch his chest in fear, while Thor’s one remaining eye widened, looking between me and his brother. “I hate it when they do that...” Loki scowled.

Convinced this wasn’t Loki’s doing, Thor now turned all of his attention on me.

“She made me do it,” Loki huffed, “Threatened to expose me if I didn’t.”

“I think it’s paid off,” I laughed, walking around to the other side of the throne and draping myself over it like an ass, “Now, where too, King of Asgard?”

“Hm... I don’t know. Any suggestions?” he opened up the conversation to everyone else in the room, looking to Valkyrie and the Hulk in particular for help. Neither of them offered anything. “Miek, where are you from?”

Korg, who was holding the alien in question, pointed out casually, “Oh, Miek’s dead.”

“Wh-”

“Yeah, no, I accidentally stomped on him. I’ve just felt so guilty I’ve been carrying him around all day.” As soon as Korg finished speaking, Miek perked up, surveying the room. “Oh! He’s alive! Miek’s alive, guys! What was your question again?”

Thor dropped the subject, fixing his eye on the window, “Earth it is.”

I whistled, “Damn, haven’t paid them a visit in awhile. I’m sure they’d be more than glad to see me.”

Loki shook his head, snickering, “I doubt it.”

“Hey!”

Muttering from the crowd drew my attention away from my asshole friend. Towards the front of the group, a large orange ring had appeared, dispensing my two favorite wizards out onto the ship. “Maddie!” I grinned, marching over to hug my friend who I hadn’t seen in person for quite some time.

Loki followed after me, pointing at her, “You! You’ve been tormenting me for _ weeks _ on end and I will not-”

“Nice to see you too, Loki,” she cut him off, gesturing to Stephen, who did not look thrilled with the idea of being around Loki. Glancing between the two of them, I gathered that the feeling was mutual.

Stephen didn’t say anything about their short, but unpleasant history, and instead raised his voice to address everyone, “Okay, we’ve got a situation on our hands. Right now, Thanos is on his way here, and if you don’t know who that is, then all you need to know is that your chances of survival are slim if you don’t come with us. We have a portal open to Norway on Earth, so you all need to evacuate there now, and we can figure out a more permanent plan once the danger has passed.”

Loki, having had the _absolute pleasure_ of working with Thanos in the past, seemed to perfectly understand the stakes. His frustration at Maddie vanished from his face, replaced with the closest thing to gratitude I’d seen from him in a while. He nodded at the sorcerers, “I- Thank you for your help, Mr. and Mrs. Strange.”

“It’s Doctor.”

“It’s Grimmwell!”

They both spoke at the same time, Maddie glaring daggers into my soul. She knew Loki’s confusion was my doing.

Stephen, having only bothered to correct his title, didn’t notice the last name mistake at first.

“Wait... what did he say?”

“Nothing!” Maddie insisted, daring me or Loki to say shit, “He’s just trying to be polite.”

Loki, although amused, corrected himself, “Apologies. Thank you, Doctor Strange and Miss Grimmwell.”

“Yes, thank you,” I agreed, “Thor, come on! EVERYONE THROUGH THE PORTAL!”

The three of us stayed back to make sure everyone else got through, each of us occasionally sparing glances out the window to make sure Thanos wasn’t sneaking up on us. As we prepared to leave ourselves, Loki cleared his throat, “Uh. Do you two... really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?”

“What choice do we have?” I shrugged, “Where else would we go? At least _ one _ of us is from there.”

“Plus, I’m very popular there,” Thor smiled to himself.

“Let me rephrase,” he sighed, as if his original intentions should’ve been obvious, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring _ me _back to Earth?”

“Probably not, to be honest,” Thor muttered, as we approached the glowing ring. Sparing one last glance out the window, we took a breath, and stepped through the portal. 

We may never see Asgard again, at least not as we knew it before, and I could tell Thor and Loki were thinking the same thing. Despite these upsetting circumstances, I smiled and reached up to throw an arm over both of their shoulders. “But don’t worry. I feel like everything’s gonna work out fine.”


	13. Epilogue:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a jump forward in the timeline to after the next book, but it handles the little easter egg in the Strange Turn of Events that mentions the Mjolnir Thor had when Hela attacked was a fake. It's also quite cute!  
Thate Sweedinson AWAY!! One sided of course... but it's there.  
And for anyone wondering why Odinson and Sweadner makes Sweedinson. Because we personally couldn't pass up a Lit Meme for the DANKEST couple of the century. XD

“You’re late.”

I strode into the castle several hours after I had promised to return to Asgard, still riding the wave of confidence stopping in the nearest Norwegian town had given me. I simply brushed off Thor’s observation as I deactivated my helmet and set a box I was holding down on a nearby table. “And?”

“And... Nothing, really, I was just expecting you back this morning,” he muttered, “Remind me what business you had in New York in the first place?”

I made myself comfortable on the couch, taking full advantage of a castle that didn’t even belong to me, “I needed to get something from the other Avengers anyway, so I just decided to stay for a few days to hang out with the crew.”

“And you’re late because...?”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Thor sighed, sitting next to me and shaking his head, “Come on, don’t be this way.”

“Okay, fine, I stopped in a town to say hey for a bit,” I confessed, “Listen, they really like us here, not to mention all the little kids go crazy for  _ magic tricks _ ~.” I summoned a bit of fire, tossing it from hand to hand to demonstrate.

“Hm,” he seemed surprised, tracing the path of the flame with his eyes, “You never struck me as someone who liked children.”

His statement was so absurd, I couldn’t help but laugh, “I don’t, but they like me, so I figured I’d just get them to love me more so that when they grow up, they’ll build a statue of me.”

“We can build a statue of you here, you know?”

“But will you?” I didn’t give him a chance to answer, “Doesn’t matter, because Loki already said he would over on his side of the kingdom so HAH!”

“He needs to stop giving you things...”   
“Aw, cmon, it’s haaaarmless~” I whined dramatically, “But since I was gone for so much longer, perhaps this little gift I got you can make up for it.”

“Is that what the box is for?” he pointed to the basic cardboard box I’d brought in, “I thought that thing looked suspicious.”

I hopped up from the couch and prepared to open the lid, “Nothing bad, I swear. You’ll love it. Now close your eyes.”

“I don’t trust-”

“Just do it!”

With a sigh, he obliged, standing up to recieve whatever mystery gift I’d retrieved from New York. Smiling to myself, I opened the box and lifted Mjolnir from the packaging. It was lighter than it looked. I’d discovered I could lift it back on Asgard, and although elated, had done my best to keep it a secret. The only other person who knew was the one I had employed to make an incredibly convincing replica. Holding it out in front of me, I sang, “Okay, you can open your eyes!”

He did exactly that, mouth immediately dropping open. He looked from me, to the hammer, then back to me several times. “Is it...?”

“Surprise~!” I made jazz hands with my one free arm.

Thor rushed forward, lifting me into the air and nearly making me drop the hammer. “You saved him!” He swung me in a circle, and by now I’d gotten used to having my ribs crushed, so I just cheered along with him. “How did you save him?!”

Despite Thor’s enthusiasm, it suddenly hit me that my methods of acquiring the hammer were less than admirable. “A magician never reveals her secret!”

“To hell with it, it doesn’t matter!” he plopped me back on the ground, and from there I could see tears of joy collecting in his eyes.

“Aw, Thor-”   
“You can have as many statues as you want!” he declared, finally taking Mjolnir from me, “Anything you want- within reason- just name it! I owe you my life!”

“In that case-”

A knock on the door stopped my train of thought, and before I knew it, Thor had given the visitor permission to come in. Loki wasted no time bursting into the room with a swish of his cape, “Welcome hom- ...Is that Mjolnir?!”

“Yeah,” I shrugged while Thor nodded aggressively, gripping the hammer with both hands.

“Wh-” he walked up to inspect the hammer, “How??”

“It’s a secret.”

Unlike Thor, Loki wasn’t going to let me get away with that answer, “No, no, explain. You can’t just expect me to believe that that’s the real Mjolnir without an explanation.”

“She brought it here from New York!” Thor grabbed my hand and passed me the hammer. I held it in the air for dramatic effect, smirking in response to Loki’s shocked expression. “She’s worthy!”

“Please, I already knew my worth,” I gave the hammer a flip and tossed it back to him.

“Wh- No, that’s impossible,” Loki shook his head, “Why is  _ she _ worthy? She’s got to be the least worthy person I can think of! No offense.”

“Second least worthy. You’re forgetting someone,” I pointed at him, only to have him scowl and turn on his heel to leave.

“No, Loki, come back, I was kidding!” I grabbed him by the cape, spinning him back around to face me.

He grimaced, swatting my hand away, “I just don’t understand it. What have you done that makes you so worthy? If you can lift it, I should be able to!”

“I don’t know.”

“At least tell me how it’s here. Hela shattered it, remember?” he insisted.

Thor, having calmed down a bit from the initial shock, added, “Yes, I think I’d like to know as well.”

“Uh....” I slowly sat back down on the couch, “You may not like my answer.”

“Cate, I swear, whatever you say, I will  _ not _ be mad at you!” Thor promised, “In fact, I forgive you for any misdeed you’ve ever done or ever will do!”

“That’s dangerous,” Loki muttered.

Crossing my legs, I gave in, “Okay, fine. I stole it. A while ago. I had it replaced with a very convincing replica, which is why Hela was able to shatter it.”

His eyes widened, “...So convincing I didn’t even notice? I was wondering why he didn’t fly as well as he used to.”

Even Loki seemed impressed, “Wow. Well done, I suppose, but why did you wait until now to give it back to him?’

“I... forgot,” I laughed nervously, “But at least I left it in New York and not on Old Asgard where everything got destroyed. Hooray...~”

“Yes, we’re all very thankful for that, but.... Who did you have do the replica?” Thor asked.

“Come on now, I don’t throw people under the bus.”

Loki just laughed obnoxiously, obviously forced in order to prove a point. “HAH! Oh, goodness, that was the worst lie you’ve  _ ever _ told!”

“Alright, quit overselling it,” Thor brushed past his brother, heading for the door.

“Where’re you going?” I stood to go after him, but he waved me back towards the couch.

“Just going to show Heimdall and Valkyrie the present you brought me!” he slipped out the door, not giving me a chance to go with him, which also effectively left me and Loki alone in his house. Damn, that was stupid on his part.

“Okay, what are we stealing first?” I scanned the room in search of potentially valuable items.

“Nothing.”   
“Wh- but you’re always down for petty theft!” I complained, “But fine, I guess I ought to restore a little of Thor’s faith in me.”

He looked at the door where his brother had just left with Mjolnir, “...I think you already have.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I dropped the topic of Thor, “Anyway, why were you even coming over?”

“I heard you were coming back from New York, so I stopped in to tell you hello.”

“...How’d you know for sure I’d be here?”

He ignored the question, “How was New York.”

“Good, good- OH!” he jumped as I exclaimed, having finally remembered something I wanted to tell him. “I told Tony about this the other day, and I figured I should let you know. A looooong time ago, I had the weirdest dream about you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you were wearing jorts,” I snickered at the mental image.

“Ew,” he physically recoiled.

“I know, ri-” My gaze was suddenly compelled downward, having noticed Loki change his pants from a more respectable fabric, to the most eye searing jorts in all the nine realms. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The second I spied a glimpse of that okay symbol, I knew I was fucked.

“You saw it.”

“Yes, I confess.”

I braced myself for a punch, but I wasn’t ready for him to hit me in the jaw with way more force than this game usually called for. I stumbled back, rubbing my injury and glaring at him with the fury of a thousand suns. “ ** _Loki._ ** ”

“Yes?” he grinned, like the smug bastard he is.

“Do you know what the first thing I thought about you was? The day I first saw you at that party in Germany?” my tone was surprisingly calm for the frustration rising in my body.

“Who is that well-dressed man with the nice hair?”

“I- Yes, actually, but you do know what the SECOND thing I thought was?!”

“Enlighten me.”

“I thought,  _ I’m gonna punch him in the face _ .” And I did. Hard. As hard as I could, in fact. Next thing I knew, his ass was on the ground. “Wow!” I laughed, examining my hand, “Turns out being a god really gives your punches some oomph!”

He jumped to his feet, getting into a defensive stance, knife included. Oh no.

“THOOOOOOOR!” I screamed, adding in as much terror into my voice as I could.

“Wait, no, I-” Loki seemed to realize he would be in deep shit if Thor caught him pulling a knife on me, and quickly put it away.

“WHAT??” Thor threw open the door, hammer still in hand. I guess he hadn’t gotten too far before all hell broke loose.

“Loki attacked me!” I shot an accusatory point at him. Thor looked to Loki expecting an explanation, while I continued to explain, “He threatened me with a knife!”

“She’s lying!” he shouted, returning my dramatic point, “She struck first!”

“That’s bullshit-”

“And look!” Loki turned so Thor could see the other side of his face, “She burned me!” I had done no such thing, but the illusion he’d conjured to look like a burn mark seemed to do the trick for Thor.

“Cate!” he groaned, “We talked about this! Now shake hands and say you’re sorry.”

“We aren’t five, Thor!” I snapped, “Besides, he’s-   
“Come on, Cate,” Loki smirked and held out his hand, “Shake my hand and say you’re sorry.”

Thor was looking at me expectantly, so I took his hand. “Loki, I’m very sorry for punching you in the face.”

“And burning me.”

“And burning you.” My voice sounded sincere, but I made a point to squeeze the life out of his hand as much as I could, as well as dig my fingernails into his skin.

“See how well civily resolving conflict works?” Thor looked pleased with himself, having diffused both of the ‘problem children’. For now. One small victory I was able to take from the situation, however, was that Loki was going to have to keep up that illusion for a while unless he wanted to confess to faking it, and I’m sure he was going to enjoy people asking him what the fuck happened to his face all day, especially Sarah.

“Now, what do you say we all go have some fun now that Cate’s back? I’m looking forward to trying out Mjolnir again!”

I glanced between Loki, Thor, and the hammer. “Yeah. Let’s go wreck some shit. Just like we always do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now to the last Book of the series!! OUT NOW!  
[INFIXITY WAR](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22022311/chapters/52554844)!!!!!!


End file.
